The Amell Legacy: Transgressions

[Marian Hawke]

How did you think I was fine?! she wonders, but doesn't say aloud.  Because I went to great lengths to convince you I was. Because most of the little fights and tells were with different people, so each of them thought it was just one little thing. "We need to talk more," she says, slowly. "Not just you and me, but everyone. We need to talk about what's going on and what's happening to everyone."

[Varric]

Varric nods gravely, then sighs. Talk more. About real things, not just words. "I'm worried. I bury it in plans, in observations, in stories, but I'm so damn worried. Scared. I have a son now. I'm responsible for a life, an infant. The fuck do I-- I can't even take care of a grown sister, how am I supposed to take care of a baby?"

[Marian Hawke]

"Yeah," says Marian gently. "He's such a tiny little thing. So important and so small. If I dropped him... I worry every time you hand him to me that I'll do something wrong and hurt him."

[Varric]

Varric nods stiffly. "I can skin back the film over a cockatrice's egg yolk with a dagger without faltering, but my hands feel as clumsy as an ogre in mittens when I pick him up sometimes."

[Marian Hawke]

"I met Mileen," she says, changing the topic without warning. "When I was unconscious. I met Mileen. We argued. I don't remember all of it, but I was an ass to Her, and She punished me for it -- I think by sending me back when I wasn't sure I wanted to go. That scares the piss out of me. Do I have multiple gods that hate me? Am I bringing that baggage down on bitty baby's head, putting him in danger? Should I leave and strike out on my own to protect him?"

[Varric]

"Mileen doesn't hate anyone," Varric protests. "That's part of their shtick, their thing. They judge, they don't hate or like."

[Marian Hawke]

"And if She judged me and found me lacking?"

[Varric]

"If Mileen found you lacking, you wouldn't have been allowed back," Varric says bluntly.

[Marian Hawke]

"What if... what if I didn't want to come back?" she asks quietly, looking away. 

[Varric]

Varric frowns, cocking his head to the side. "As far I was aware, that's impossible. A soul must be willing to be returned. I mean, maybe Helene knows otherwise, that's not an area I've studied extensively."

[Marian Hawke]

"No, it's fine. Whatever happened, I'm here now," she admits. 

[Varric]

"Do you regret it? Coming back?"

[Marian Hawke]

Marian is quiet for a time, deep in thought.

[NPCs]

Ricky fusses a little as Varric simply watches Marian. After a while, the babe begins to whimper softly.

[Marian Hawke]

"Bitty baby," she sings, bouncing him a little. "Wee bitty baby."