The Amell Legacy: Transgressions

[Marian Hawke]

She gives a shriek, scrambling backward. Deserve that (Ninety-- ninety-- Something--) deserve that (selfish bitch) (ninety seven?) Stupid cunt, idiot, what was I thinking coming up here

[Varric]

Varric grabs her by the collar of her shirt, getting right in her face. "What the hells were you thinking? What happened to make you think this was okay? What could have possibly happened between leaving your sister and now to make you come to think choice without even trying to talk to one of the ever growing number of people that loves you? Well?"

[Marian Hawke]

She doesn't answer, eyes wide in terror, letting him grab her without resistance. Selfish, stupid, stupid! Worthless bastard. (say something) Just wanted to come up and think (liar) (Say something!) Ruined it ruined everything (worthless, stupid bitch)

[Varric]

"Marian." He has to take a moment to wrestle his anger- and fear- back down, so he can think. Reason. Plan. "Marian, look at me. Right at me. Alright? Do you see me? Say yes or no."

[Marian Hawke]

"Yes," she whispers, but she can't meet his eyes -- she does for a brief instant, but whatever she sees in them causes her to flinch away. Worthless, stupid cunt (come up with a lie, you can salvage this) Should have jumped (the fuck is wrong with you) (pull it together) Lift your head, plaster on a smile, keep moving forward. 

[Varric]

"Why?" Varric's voice is soft, though not gentle. And his grip hasn't budged a hair.

[Marian Hawke]

"I-- I didn't--" Stupid, panicking, ran (Beth's eyes, the way she flinches just a bit) too much to handle, needed space (start talking, you'll lose him and then what?) can't be one more defective thing, can't be wrong in one more way (stupid, selfish bitch)

"I just needed some air," she whispers. No good, voice is shaky (should have pushed harder) need to backtrack, get on a different foot (should have jumped while you had the chance)

[Varric]

"From the tallest building you could get to in a hurry?" Varric's jaw twitches and he leans in, just a little closer. "If I get cold, guess what I never consider as a possible heater?"

[Marian Hawke]

Chin up, Marian. Lift your head, plaster on a smile, keep moving forward. 

She takes a deep breath, raising her chin to meet his eyes finally -- he can feel the echo of the discomfort, the roil in her stomach, but she braves his eyes anyway. She doesn't smile, but her voice comes out steady, firm. "I ran, I didn't look where I was going and my feet took me here. Guess when you make enough plans, you carry them out without meaning to."

[Varric]

"Not bad," he murmurs. "Steady eyes- little too steady actually. Voice is just a little overly firm too, after how shakey it was. Too much contrast. But the delivery was spot on and the words themselves almost reasonable. Still fucking lying though. You want me to piss of and leave you pickless at the bottom of a shaft, fine. Tell me that to my face and make me believe it. But if not? Then you ask me for help. You ask Seeker fo help. Shiny. Bright Gods dancing on the head of a needle, buy a puppy and cuddle the damn thing. But you don't get to just... run off alone to kill yourself."

[Marian Hawke]

"Then go," she whispers, and there's venom in it, anger blooming inside her. "What do you care? I'm a stupid, selfish bitch anyway." 

He doesn't really care, he just came because of Seeker (stop it) none of them care (stop it) worthless bastard, who would miss you? (stop it, stop it, just ask him for help, why can't you just) selfish cunt, worthless bastard (please, help me, someone help me) nobody will ever help me, nobody would miss me

[Varric]

"At the moment, yes, you are. But that's just because of the tremendous avalanche's worth of shite that has been piling on you for... years. Not sure what pushed you from stable to this in less than five minutes but we can deal with that too, whatever it is." Varric sighs, most of the anger draining from him, though he doesn't release her yet. "And for why? Because you're my friend. That means something to me, gods only know why."

[Marian Hawke]

She averts her eyes, just a little. It won't last. He's probably just using me. (is he? I keep thinking that but--) of course he is, nobody could ever want me (but what if you're wrong? What if they do?)

"...I don't think I'd have done it," she says quietly, and as far as he can tell she's telling the truth. "I just panicked. I couldn't handle one more thing wrong with me."

It's not like it was really just five minutes (not like I hadn't been thinking it for a while) Just too much shit to keep my head above water, that's all (moment of weakness) I'd have come back down (one way or another) (stop it! just stop, can't you just let people in, selfish bitch?) Besides, I can't leave, the twins need me (focus on them, live for them, can't go until they're situated and have a chance to be happy)

[Varric]

Still? After all this, still? That... that stings. I get why but... "Next... panic in my direction maybe? Gods above Marian, my heart near to stopped when- Please, next time shite starts building up, talk to me. Or someone. You have people now. Adjust, please." Varric's feet suddenly settle onto the ground more firmly, his short-term flight spell giving out. "I get being overwhelmed by problems- you've been getting a lot of hits lately. But we can work it out." One more thing wrong (five)? Wait...

[Marian Hawke]

Couldn't talk to him (sitting there discussing me with Seeker behind my back) Can't trust anyone (defective, just like Seeker, they'll send me to Danvers) I scared him? (selfish bitch) Talk to someone (like Lightsong, pitying me as a poor lost kitten, or like Seeker, so aloof and distant, barely notices me)

She gives a meek nod agree with him and he'll stop and swallows, taking a deep breath (lie, smile, hold your head up) "Okay," she whispers.