The Amell Legacy: Transgressions

[Marian Hawke]

She's silent a little longer, her mind working. Finally, she bows her head, hands trembling, and chokes back a sob: "You were proud of me."

[Varric]

"Wrong. Am proud," he says gently. "And why the fuck should that stop you from working alongside me?"

[Marian Hawke]

"I'm not sure I can do this," she whispers. "seeing me struggle, seeing how-- and if I can't, if it's gone forever-- I can't stand it. Nobody's ever been proud of me before you and Seeker."

[Varric]

"Marian..." Varric leans back, eyes closing. "Helene's already started looking over your test," he says abruptly. "You destroyed the maths and history sections. And it's clear as purewater quartz that it didn't hurt you to take those sections. So... even if magic doesn't work out- which seems unlikely, as you did the theory parts just fine, it was only when we got to actual spell frames and such that you had trouble- then you could still be a diamond as a historian or mathematics sage. Engineering maybe."

[Marian Hawke]

"If I was a mathematician, would you be as proud?" she asks quietly. "My father's mentor is a bard. You're an alchemist. Even Seeker's an oracle. Everyone has magic. If I just do maths, it'll be second best."

[Varric]

"Magic isn't sacr- okay, to Alydra it kind of is, but I go more for intellect and such. It's not about what you're smart in, it's that you are. So yes, I would entirely be as proud. It's nice that you want to learn brewing from me but that's just because I enjoy teaching you, not because it's better than learning maths. Hells, I'd love to teach you maths too. You're good, damn good, with numbers but I have a few things you can learn from me even so."

[Marian Hawke]

She sniffles, wiping at her eyes. "You mean it?" she whispers, looking up at him. "I-- I already feel like such a failure, just getting these headaches..."

[Varric]

"Did- no, of course ne wouldn't," Varric mutters to himself. "When- When Helene and I got caught in that... that c-cave-in, I-" He cuts off, jaw working. "Notice where I'm sitting?" he asks abruptly, head inclining slightly towards the open window just to the side of him.

[Marian Hawke]

She glances up then, eyes darting to the window. "I... I suppose?"

[Varric]

"Do you think less of me for it? For... for being afraid of being trapped? For needing a door, a window?"

[Marian Hawke]

"That's different," she says automatically. 

[Varric]

"Pretend we're each other and then reevaluate."

[Marian Hawke]

"It is," she argues. "You didn't do this to yourself."

[Varric]

"I did it as much as you did to yourself. I didn't have to chase after Helene. I didn't have to go on this quest in the first place. I could have prepared better, should have asked to delay for a day or two until I could get an escape method ready for this very real, very likely outcome. But I didn't."

[Marian Hawke]

"Sure, but I literally did this to myself. Drinking that mutagen. Using that power I didn't understand. If I-- if I ruined my chances forever, just trying to save one person..."