The Amell Legacy: Transgressions

[Varric]

Varric closes his eyes, just... just breathing, focusing on the feel of nir finger on his leg, for a solid minute. "I... all of it goes. My thoughts... disperse. I can't think or plan. All my reason, my cunning, my... all of it goes away." His voice is soft, cracking and worn.

[Helene Dakesh]

"Shutdown," says Helene, softly. "Words go away. Fear."

[Varric]

"I can't think," Varric repeats, his voice a slurry of emotions, none of them good.

[Helene Dakesh]

Helene lowers nir gaze, swallowing, despite nir dry mouth. Finally, timidly, as if expecting to be struck, ne says, "Treatment may be required."

[Varric]

"Treatment is being trapped," Varric says dully, eyes still closed. "I'm f- getting... better. Putting it away."

[Helene Dakesh]

"Not trapped," ne says quietly. Then, a little louder, "not better. Apprentice." 

[Varric]

"Yes trapped. Unable to leave, stuck in rooms at another's whim. Trapped." He takes another moment to breathe. "Am better. Slowly."

[Helene Dakesh]

"Better better? Or Apprentice better? Better with towers?"

[Varric]

Varric's eyes snap open and he looks at nem sharply. "Is she- is she still looking for towers?" 

[Helene Dakesh]

Helene simply shrugs. 

[Varric]

"Not shrug, Helene, do you suspect she's still actively suicidal?" Varric demands. 

[Helene Dakesh]

Helene shrugs again, palms up, spreading them in a gesture of helplessness. "Apprentice knows. This one does not." 

[Varric]

Varric studies nem for a moment, then sags. "So just... residual, ongoing worry, not induced by recent data?"

[Helene Dakesh]

Helene nods. "Worry," ne agrees, before adding, "worry Varric. Not suicidal, but... worry."

[Varric]

"Sorry," he says softly, looking away for a moment. "I... I'm trying." He winces at how weak that sounds. "I just..." He lifts his hands helplessly. "I need..." What? What do I need to get past this (actually deal with it maybe)?