The Amell Legacy: Transgressions

[Haliel Lightsong]

Haliel slips into the room almost meekly, setting the tray down on the small table near the desk. "Seeker, I seek knowledge and ask for your guidance in this quest." Haliel had gone back and forth on how to do this, eventually falling back on traditional formula, at least to start. Helene likes formality and tradition, as near as she can tell anyway so../

[Helene Dakesh]

Helene blinks, and in that moment, Helene, frustrated and helpless friend, becomes the Seeker, reputable scholar and trusted advisor. "Of course. How may this one serve?"

[Haliel Lightsong]

A measure of tension slips out of the aasimar at having her approach at least not offend right off. "I... It is a religious matter. You are not Bastion's but Seekers are known for their impartiality in matters of education and I... I trust you to be honest with me, even if it might be an honesty that stings." That part is not exactly part of the formula but she can only depend on scripted lines for so long. 

[Helene Dakesh]

"Of course," says Helene, nodding. "This one is well learned in religious practices and dogma across the heptad. This one will answer, if this one can. Please, ask your questions."

[Haliel Lightsong]

Haliel nods and offers a grateful smiles but doesn't speak for a good minute, clearly searching for words. "I... In a recent conversation with someone, I... I spoke out loud words that have been true in my heart for... decades perhaps. But hearing them given sound, it..." She licks her lips nervously. "I have sworn myself to Bastion. To granting mercy to the needy and wretched alike. To place myself in front of the darkness so that compassion and hope can thrive, even at cost to myself. And I... I do not think that it is wrong to do so, if freely chosen. But... But I said that I would trade my life for anyone, stranger or beloved the same. And..." 

She swallows thickly. "I think I mean it. Even now, the idea of- of not trading my life, not just risking it, but paying it like coin to purchase time for another feels like an unforgivable sin that could never be forgiven. Like it would... cause people, cause.... important people, maybe even Baston, to turn their faces from me, to forever close the chance of earning their love and approval."

[Helene Dakesh]

Helene is quiet for a time, contemplating. Finally, ne says, simply, "The Bright gods do not spend lives like coin."

[Haliel Lightsong]

"I-" Haliel bows her head, trying to work through that. "I know They would never- never use someone like that. But- but They do sometimes ask for... sacrifice. For one to die so others may live. Vangal most often, yes, but... I cannot... it feels cruel to expect that only of them, to make Vangal's sworn take only those heaviest burdens alone. It is... is it wrong to offer more than They ask?" She knows that something is wrong with her reasoning, with the teachings she's been given. That somewhere in her training, something went awry with her crafting and she now bares a flaw. But she cannot see it, can only feel the weakness it creates in her heart.

[Helene Dakesh]

"There are times when the gods will ask for that sacrifice. It is good and wise to heed that call if it comes. But the Bright gods do not require you to seek it out. Do not fear death, says Vangal -- and to a lesser extent Bastion. But do not seek it out before its time. Do not hunt for opportunities to sacrifice yourself. Instead, hunt for opportunities to improve the world around you, according to his tenants: to hold families together, to bestow mercy and teach others of it, to hold fast to hope and bring hope into the lives of those around you, to show compassion and teach it to others. This is what you should Seek, as a Ray."

[Haliel Lightsong]

"It's not- I don't seek the chance to die, even for another. It's just... That I wouldn't hesitate. It's almost like... I've already accepted that's how it will end eventually? So it happening now... Well. It used to feel almost like I was finally getting around to filling an obligation that I promised to fulfill? Not quite but close to that. Sorry." She makes a face, unsatisfied with the wording she'd ended up with.

[Helene Dakesh]

Helene nods. "Remember that it is possible it will never occur. This one's apprentice is preparing always for a day when she will be abandoned -- over-preparing seems to usher in the worst."

[Haliel Lightsong]

The paladin stares at Helene, the idea of it- that she might last long enough as a hero to retire, tht she might not fall in combat- completely broadsiding her. It's very clear that this has not ever occurred to her, despite a great many reasons as to why it should.

[Helene Dakesh]

Helene smiles, a tight, sad smile. "This one hopes this one has been of help."

[Haliel Lightsong]

"I- yes, that- that does... that is something I should... think about," Haliel says numbly. "Ummm. But about... about being willing to risk- I mean, about dying for someone else..."

[Helene Dakesh]

"When the time comes, if the time comes, this one has no doubt you will rise to the occasion. But... this one suggests  focusing less on that aspect of your calling."

[Haliel Lightsong]

"But... should I? I mean... the look on her face when I said it, I just... Is that wrong? To be willing to trade my life for someone else?"