The Amell Legacy: Transgressions

[Marian Hawke]

Marian's breath catches in her throat, a pair of dark eyes staring at her, accusingly. She takes half a step back, stammering out, "N-n-no th-thanks, I, I'm f-fine." 

[Zevran]

"...you can change in the bathroom if you wish to wash up a little first as well," he adds gently.

[Marian Hawke]

"I-- I--"

She wipes at her tears. Do what scares you. "N-no. I-- here is -- is fine. I'm n-no afr-- ashamed of wh-what I've b-been doing."

[Zevran]

"I did not speak of shame, nor fear," Zevran says, tone still low and soothing, his gaze in her direction but loose and light. "You may change where you wish, Marian. Or not change."

[Marian Hawke]

What I did tonight frightens me. And so does Zev finding out. So-- so it's clear I have to do this.

She sets her jaw, then, a stubborn glint coming into her eye. "Here is fine," she whispers, and moves to lift her baggy shirt, watching his expression as she does. She knows what he'll see: whip marks, burns, claw marks barely healed, love marks. And things that she's gotten used to that he doesn't know about yet: a piercing through each nipple, and a tattoo encircling her naval that reads "The Path to Perfection Lies Through my Fears and Doubts".

As she turns to grab the pajama top, he can see another pair of tattoos: one at the small of her back, and a large one across her shoulders. These two, unlike the former, glow faintly.

[Zevran]

Zevran purses his lips, not in condemnation or even pity, but almost- or rather, exactly- like an expert studying someone else's handiwork. It's not until he sees the glowing tattoos that he sucks in a lungful of air sharply, that hitting a bit close to home. "You seem to be... racing right along the entire menu of kinks," he comments carefully. "Some of those still need to be treated."

[Marian Hawke]

"I-- I usually stay to get healed after," she admits. "Why, aren't you proud of me? Six months ago I could never have dreamed of anything like I did tonight."

She pulls the top on, dropping her trousers -- and here he can just spy a few more piercings, as she's not wearing underthings at all -- to pull on the pajama bottoms. She doesn't meet his eyes again as she turns back, her lower lip between her teeth as the bravado fades. Almost like she rehearsed that little speech.

[Zevran]

Zevran's brow furrows as he tries to unpack that, very little of his attention apparently on checking her out. "Are you? Proud of what you have done and accomplished in the last... week?" Kindly Ciren, it has only been a week- this is far too fast to be normal or healthy. This is... 

[Marian Hawke]

"Of course," she says, as strongly as she can manage -- which right now is a whisper, eyes still averted.

[Zevran]

"...it can help sometimes, telling yourself things like that. That you liked it. That it wasn't that painful or hurtful. That others have done it, that you can at least be proud of your skill or talent," Zevran murmurs gently. "Lies, of course, or at least close enough to a lie as to make no matter, but it can help for a time."

[Marian Hawke]

"I'm not lying!" she hisses, looking up, alarmed at first, then angry. "I-- there were... This week has been one of the best weeks of my life. I just... did some things tonight that I haven't yet... figured out how I feel about. Well, why I feel them. I'm... it's... it's more complicated than just liked or didn't like."

[Zevran]

"Then how can you be sure you are proud of them? Of last night, specifically, even if you are sure of the rest of the week or so," Zevran asks, careful to keep his tone low and soothing. "I wish to understand, we have not spoken much these last few days, as busy as we have been."

[Marian Hawke]

She takes a deep breath, and then another. "Tonight was... except for those few moments, it was the next logical step from things I already know I enjoy. I-- I just--"

She hesitates, glancing at the window. "Can someone... rape themself?" she asks, softer.

[Zevran]

"Yes," Zevran says simply, eyes far too knowing. 

[Marian Hawke]

She nods, then, swallowing hard. "I need to... I need to speak to Tanna tomorrow," she adds, in a whisper. "About some of the things I... didn't enjoy as much as I thought I would."