The Amell Legacy: Transgressions

[Zevran]

Zevran frowns slightly, the expression thoughtfully. "By all means but... you should probably speak with someone that is not involved as well. Perhaps a Joyous? They are the experts on such matters." I wonder if I can duck away from Varric's quest long enough to follow Marian, to at least see this... Tanna.

[Marian Hawke]

But she's already shaking her head. "No. This was a secret party -- I can't betray anyone's confidence talking about what we did there. I might slip up and someone might be identifiable."

[Zevran]

Secret party? Raping herself? Thing she is unsure of? Oh Marian... "I see. Your loyalty does you credit." In a sense anyway. "Still... do you want to... discuss any of it now? Even if only the kink itself and not the actions taken?"

[Marian Hawke]

"I..."

She shivers. "It was-- there was-- shapechanging," she whispers. "I.."

No. You can't tell him what you did with what seemed to be children, what seemed to be animals, what seemed to be devils. He wouldn't forgive you. 

Instead, she jukes, shaking her head a little. "One of them... it was a rape play scene. I... enjoyed, too much, or, or not-- it was too real, the begging. I couldn't sleep, hearing it over and over. I could never do that to someone for real. But, but that's just the sort of fear and weakness I'm trying to-- to push through. To push myself, to prove to myself that no harm was done. I should have stayed. Tanna would have helped me understand it was alright. That everything was consensual."

[Zevran]

"You need to talk to the person," Zevran says instantly. "That is the only way you will be able to truly set those fears to rest. If they were willing, then they will be able to confirm such, outside of a game, outside any bedroom or the like."

[Marian Hawke]

"I can't," she whispers. "I don't know them. It was-- this is a monthly thing, I won't be able to find them until next month. Unless... maybe Tanna knows? Oh, but it's a secret group -- if I found them, I'd be breaking confidence."

[Zevran]

Zevran stares. "What?" he blurts out. "Marian, that is not- no. You should not be- a scene of that... significance should not be done anonymously. Ever. How can you possibly get- you did speak with everyone you interacted with prior to starting any games at least?"

[Marian Hawke]

"I--"

She reddens. "T-Tanna knew them, I didn't... she did the scene setups. I just did as she t-told me."

[Zevran]

"That is not-" Zevran rubs his forehead slowly. "Even with a trusted partner arranging things, you should always speak to participants personally. If nothing else, it helps with things like this. Having the memory of speaking with them before the scene, when you can be open and straightforward about desires and limits..."

[Marian Hawke]

"That at least is easy -- I don't have any," she says, simply. 

[Zevran]

"...expand on that please?"

[Marian Hawke]

"I don't have limits. And I don't use safewords. I'm trying to stretch myself, to push through the fear and doubts."

[Zevran]

"...so you are training to be a slave then?" he says sharply.

[Marian Hawke]

She tenses, reacting to the sting of hurt and fear as she often does -- with anger. "None of your business," she snaps. 

[Zevran]

"Because that is the definition of a slave- someone that cannot say no to things," he says, not caring about her sharp words.