The Amell Legacy: Transgressions

[Haliel Lightsong]

Haliel blinks, then blushes. "Oh. Well, maybe? I have no idea if you can get addicted to that but... maybe? It feels good and causes your body to produce certain hormones or something so... But... you did stop. Regardless of what was... driving you, when Tanna tried to kick me out, told me to leave... you came after me." You picked me.

[Marian Hawke]

"Of course," she says quietly. "I would never pick her over you. Only... only when I have to do something for myself. I have to--"

She pauses, then, grimacing. "No. I should-- I should be more like you. I shouldn't put-- I should put your wellbeing before my own. I should be more altruistic, more self-sacrificing. I can't-- I can't-- I should be more like you."

[Haliel Lightsong]

"Actually..." Haliel says almost guiltily. "I... well, you know how Helene- about nir communion spell that went badly. But... well, it was for me. I... I have been have... doubts, questions, about religion. One of them was about whether my life has value beyond the service and protection I can provide to others. I, uh, the answer was... well, Helene described it as a 'yes that was almost painful in its totality' or something to that affect. So... maybe don't be like me too much. Not that part of me at least." She smiles suddenly, leaning down to press a kiss to Marian's head. "Maybe we can help each other- learn from each other, so we're not so... extreme. Equals, partners, not role model and student."

[Marian Hawke]

"Partners," she whispers. "With a fuck-up like me?"

[Haliel Lightsong]

"Maybe not right away," Haliel admits with a slight wince. "Just like how Varric and Helene aren't exactly partners right now, because Helene is... ill. So he has to take care of nem. But ne will get better and then... Next time, maybe it'll be Helene taking care of Varric after an alchemical something or other. And in between, they can just... be there for each other. Supporting, caring, loving and teaching."

[Marian Hawke]

"I can't imagine you ever getting in trouble I know how to fix," she says, quietly. "I can't imagine being a good person. Being someone you can rely on."

[Haliel Lightsong]

"You already have helped me, and in a very big way remember? You were right that Bastion would not only never ask, but doesn't want, me to sacrifice myself without hesitation. I still have a long way to go in processing that, fitting it into how I live my life." Haliel sighs softly, luxuriating in the feel of her loved one so close. "As for being a good person... You might not be able to see it, but I can. So... Even if you can't have hope on your own, know that I do."

[Marian Hawke]

Marian sighs, but it's a contented, relieved sigh, not a sad one. She nestles in closer to Lightsong, shivering despite the blanket, and falls silent, taking a moment to close her eyes, to catch her breath. She can't sleep -- she knows herself well enough to know she won't sleep without help, not tonight -- but she can relax, here, next to her protector. 

[Zevran]

It takes another minute or two, long enough that Lightsong is starting to worry a little, before there's a tap on the door. Zevran and Varric enter at her call, Zevran looking noticably more poised than when he left. "You look comfy."

[Varric]

"That she does," Varric agrees with an honest chuckle. And damned if it isn't reassuring to see Shiny cuddled up to her after the (shit show) big confession. If the pal pal can handle it (I have a chance)...

[Marian Hawke]

Marian opens her eyes, looking up at the pair of them, expression bleak. She's still cold, despite the cuddling; still trembling a bit, and she's starting to feel that faraway feeling when she doesn't sleep for long enough. Be strong. Get through this, she tells herself, but just like in the toybox, it's... less helpful than she'd desire. 

"Hi," she whispers, mouth dry. 

[Haliel Lightsong]

"I will go first if no-one objects?" Haliel says smoothly. At the nods and silence, she continues, "knowing the worst, if not everything, I still love Marian. I still have not just faith but certainty that she is capable of being good, of seeking redemption. Most of the evil done was done to her and with her, not by her. It will be long and hard, it will hurt and she will not be happy for some time... but I will stand by her. And carry her if need be,"

[Zevran]

"She needs help," Zevran says bluntly. "Most of the evil she did was done out of ignorance, carefully cultivated ignorance at that. She needs to learn safe and ethical ways to find pleasure."

[Marian Hawke]

Marian nods her head, reaching for the tears she knows are in there somewhere -- but she can't find them, can't feel them. Instead, she nods again, wiping at her dry eyes, and looks to Varric. I need help... I will have to arrange for that. Tomorrow. Gods, there's so much to do tomorrow: writing out what happened, looking for help, finding the Vangal temple, trying to find Tanna... gods. I'm so tired.

[Varric]

Varric nods slowly. "After... after we get Bianca out, we're going to have to run hard and fast and I'm not sure where to yet. Probably the Oak again, maybe Nyra. Either way, there's places you can rest, heal and get help," he says slowly. "We'll figure it out, alright?"