The Amell Legacy: Transgressions

[Varric]

Varric winces. "Ah. You were already going to outlive them but not by anywhere near this much."

[Marian Hawke]

"I mean, I didn't really think I would -- but more due to circumstance than anything else. Now it seems... unlikely. Rash, even. What was I thinking, before? Hurrying so much, trying to be grown before my time..."

[Varric]

Varric chuckles softly. "That's a pretty common view from the long-lived. When you can easily expect to see three centuries... A day is a day is a day. Most of the time, so is a week. But months? Seasons? Years and decades? They don't mean the same thing to humans and dwarves, much less elves and aasimar."

[Marian Hawke]

"More changes," she whispers. "Why couldn't I have ever been enough?"

[Varric]

"Enough for what, Marian?" Varric shifts over to take Marian's free hand. "Life isn't a test, there's no grade threshold."

[Marian Hawke]

"Everyone, everything is always trying to change me. If I won't change, then I have to be forced, against my will." She shivers, startling the babe into pulling his mouth off her wing and crying, giving her a moment to collect herself as she settles him and gives him the bottle. "Sorry," she says. 

[Varric]

"You can just... say no. To us, I mean. I get that others won't listen. And yeah, we might not either, not if it's something deeply held by us. But we aren't your uncle. Or the devil."

[Marian Hawke]

"I can't say no," she whispers, bowing her head. "Everyone gets upset. I hate it."

[Varric]

Varric winces a little. "It can be hard, finding the balance between not upsetting people you like and taking care of yourself. But it's a skill worth learning. Part of it is trust." He gives her a steady, gentle look. "We can get upset, even be mad at you, and that doesn't mean we'll leave you. Or hate you."

[Marian Hawke]

"I'm so tired," she whispers. "I'm so tired of being shouted at, frozen out, scolded, cried at. I just... I just want to be good enough. I don't even care anymore if I'm me. Just let me be good enough."

[Varric]

"Marian, look at me." He waits until she peeks at him warily. "You are more than good enough. You've made mistakes, but you've learned from them. You've wanted to give up over and over again, but you keep walking forward. Even after so many horrible, horrible things have been done to you, there's still good in you. I wouldn't have made you Ricky's godparent if I didn't approve of you. If I wasn't proud of you."

[Marian Hawke]

"How can you be proud of me?" she whispers. 

[Varric Thedas]

"Surprisingly easily actually," the dwarf says with a smile.

[Marian Hawke]

"I fuck everything up," she protests.

[Varric]

"Not everything," Varric points out. "You try your best, both the first time and to fix things. That counts for a lot in my book."