The Midnight Prince

[Rokag]

"Look, you'd save people either way, you'd probably feel the same about Indou and everything else going on. Fuck, you're more worried about what's gonna happen to ME than to you, which since only one of us almost got drowned by a demon is saying a lot. You might look different, and you might be able to do some other magic stuff with that amulet, but that doesn't make you not you."

[Shisou]

"Well, I have a lot more confidence. And I don't stutter. And stuff like that." She shrugs. 

[Rokag]

"I dunno, maybe having tits makes your more confident." Rokag pinched the bridge of her nose. "But that's...look, you're still you. If I thought you were a different person, I wouldn't fucking trust you nearly as much. And I can see a lot of the things that are the same, so whatever you're telling yourself that makes you think you're not still Shisou can't be right."

[Shisou]

She gives a nervous laugh, looking away -- coincidentally toward a mirror on the wall. "Don't be silly. Of course we're the same. Or something. Does it really matter?"

[Rokag]

"Yes! Because if you can't get words out when your not like this and I NEED to talk about figuring out how the fuck..to..." Rokag REALLY hated being this flustered on the topic. "I can't keep all this mental shit in my head that you're doing. You act like your different people even when I know you're not. You say a lot of shit that sounds like you hate yourself, despite being one of the few people in all of Toukami that just...gave someone you didn't know a whole load of shit to survive and didn't ask for anything. Do you get how fucking rare that is? I've had people expect me to pay them back for sleeping outside the same shack during the rains. For just being NEAR where they were also sleeping. Do you have ANY idea how long I spent not being able to sleep cuz I expected you to just...show up and expect compensation?"

And now she's starting to pace again. "And then, not only did you not do that. You didn't even ask about it when you saw me again. You didn't outst me when you could have, and even when you found us betrothed you asked immediatly if I wanted a way out. Why in the FUCK do you believe the shit some <D>Wingless excuse for meat and treasure</D> eel would say about you being able to fuck having sex up?! Even the homeless, nameless assholes on the SHORE don't want to work with them?!"

[Shisou]

"You said it yourself," she says quietly. "Shisou can't get words out. Shisou can't string together a ancestors-cursed sentence without being interrupted or giving up in frustration. Shisou is too shy and meek to do anything right at all. Shisou had one small act of rebellion in his life, and even that was after I was born, after the amulet. And that got the other boy killed. Everything else, everything else, comes from the amulet. Comes from me." 

[Rokag]

"You're not a separate person! Even Carbonne is clear about that and xe isn't clear about anything else! And I don't know WHY you stutter, or why your shy, but I don't think that you helping people has anything to do with having a magic amulet. And if anyone got anyone killed it was probably the EEL you have for a stepfather."

[Shisou]

"You think he didn't know that when he started sneaking around?" demands the Midnight Princess. "He knew what would happen, but he didn't care. He knew he'd get caught and beaten, he just didn't think about his friend getting hurt. That's hardly the actions of a hero! Let's just face it: Shisou HIgruashi is a worthless idiot, just like everyone says!"

[Rokag]

"Do NOT start that shit!" Rokag turned and marched up to Soushi Hime. "So what if he fucked up?! You don't think I have? I lost literally everything and spend several summers and winters barely surviving and you're going to stand there and act like somehow some fucking lights and magic is what makes you better? That you didn't actually save my fucking life, from either getting thrown into prison, killed, or trying my luck somewhere else and THEN getting killed? You are NOT a worthless idiot and you don't need some talking lizard or a short skirt to be something other than what people THINK you are!" This close, Shisou could see the hint of tears at the edge of Rokag's eyes. She could also swear there was a cold draft coming from somewhere.

[Shisou]

She takes half a step back, sparkles shimmering around her to form a shield. "I-- I did," she manages. "But that's-- it's different. I'm different. I know you keep saying I'm the same but I don't feel the same, I feel like someone different. Someone better. Someone I should have been all along."

[Rokag]

"I..." She notices the sparkles and tries taking a breath. "Okay, I don't know why that is, but you're still Shisou...I dunno, maybe it makes you a...better you? Maybe you'd be like this if whatever is making you stutter wasn't there. Maybe you're cursed? That kinda shit happens to people fighting demons and stuff, right?" Rokag takes another breath, and the draft seems to fade. "Just...stop acting like it's not coming from you. I can tell it's there, and I'm supposed to be an 'idiot tuskmouth', right?"

[Shisou]

"I don't mean to-- I'm really not trying to -- I just d-don't think like that!" 

A beat passes, and she realizes she stumbled over a word. She stands stock still, eyes wide in fright. 

[Rokag]

Rokag also paused, a little taken aback. "...shit, sorry. I just...I don't think that you think that. I'm just...real used to people thinking I'm dumb or not worth anything because of shit like that."

Okay, that might have been too much...shit, I wasn't supposed to.,..the fuck is happening?! She was used to getting frustrated, but not this much and not about something someone else was doing.

[Shisou]

"We're not the same," she whispers, taking a deep breath. "We're not."

[Rokag]

Rokag wasn't sure what was going on, but she was pretty sure that she hadn't heard any of that. So...she did the first thing that came to mind as the Midnight Princess would suddenly find a cold, but clean, splash of water in her face.