Hazelnuts and plaid

[Aveline Vallen]

"Stop it," Aveline snaps; and this time she doesn't apologize. "You fucked up. Acknowledge it, own it, understand it and then do something to make it right. If you feel like you're an awful wife, then fix what you're doing wrong. No more drinking. At all. Back to therapy; under Truthing if that's what you need to be honest about your problems. Talk to us. Trust us."

[Marian Hawke]

"No more drinking," she agrees, but the rest... "I can't. I don't even know where to begin anymore. I haven't seen Seeker Lelldorin in months."

[Aveline Vallen]

"Then start over. Start at the beginning and let him help you figure out where to go," Aveline replies, trying and failing to hide her dismay at Hawke's confession.

[Marian Hawke]

"What's the beginning? The Wager? Earlier? When... when Papa left?"

[Aveline Vallen]

"Golden Shores," Aveline says simply. 

[Marian Hawke]

"It will take weeks just to tell the whole story."

[Aveline Vallen]

"So?" She arches an eyebrow. "Did you have urgent plans?"

[Marian Hawke]

"Prison, mostly," she says, her tone grim. 

[Aveline Vallen]

"Pri-- what? Why? Hawke, there's no faul-- no legal fault in being drunk at-- at admittedly the worst time." Her face softens and she squeezes Marian's hand. "Amata, failing to save someone is heartbreaking but it's not a crime."

[Marian Hawke]

"It was my poison, and I didn't... I didn't secure it. That's at least reckless endangerment if not manslaughter."

[Aveline Vallen]

Aveline flinches, but she doesn't let go, doesn't even slacken her grip on Hawke's hand. "Reckless endangerment doesn't get prison time," is all she can say at first.

[Marian Hawke]

"I don't deserve that kind of mercy," she whimpers. 

[Aveline Vallen]

"That's not mercy, it's the law," Captain Vallen corrects Hawke. "Punishing those who harmed without malice is revenge at best, tortue at worst. You did not, would not ever, wish for what happened. So you'll serve penance. You'll go to therapy, not because you want to go, but because that's what you owe Merrill for what happened. You'll clean yourself up, you'll serve the poor and the broken," not that you don't already. Or... at least you used to. If I didn't know you'd started drinking like this, then I can't help but wonder what else I've missed because of my duty, "you'll pay for Merrill's raising and treatment-- mine too-- and you'll do what needs to be done to earn our trust back. Because that's the price for what you did, what you didn't do." She swallows. "And we'll all pay our prices too."

[Marian Hawke]

"Merrill should never have had to pay for my sins," Hawke whispers. "Neither should you. I know this will... you still haven't gotten back on top of your paperwork and this will slow you down."

[Aveline Vallen]

"What? Oh! No, amata, I didn't-- fuck." Aveline scowls down at herself, then lifts her head. "No, Marian, I meant for our own sins. My duty to the guard is important to me. It was the bedrock-- Vangal's breath, it was very nearly my entire world for a great many years. It may have... faded me as a person, but it also saved my soul." She lifts their joined hands and presses a kiss to the back of Hawke's. "But I was true when I called you my Astea. When I said you were my highest oath, my most important duty and service. I should never have lost myself in my work like I did. That's my big sin, the thing I most need to redeem myself for."