Hazelnuts and plaid

[Marian Hawke]

She shakes her head. "I just felt... there was such relief after the ritual was done. As if... as if I'd escaped a horrible fate."

[Aveline Vallen]

That's too vague. Hmm. "Well.. how about... Was there anything in particular that made you feel that way? I mean, a trigger or context? Or how about, has anything else made you feel that same sort of relief?"

[Marian Hawke]

"Not... not exactly the same but... after the Wager, when I came back, my hair was getting long. Do you remember? And when I had it cut... I felt more myself than I had in ages."

[Aveline Vallen]

'More myself?' That's an interesting thought to apply to this. "Could... does pregnancy make you think of possession? Mental domination, an invasion of the self?"

[Marian Hawke]

"I... I'm not sure. Maybe?"

[Aveline Vallen]

"Has anything else ever made you feel that kind of relief?" Aveline probes.

[Marian Hawke]

"I.. I can't think of anything."

[Aveline Vallen]

Aveline nods slowly, brow furrowed as she gratefully devotes herself to solving this problem instead of thinking of... well. "Alright... so having long hair and being pregnant. What about this?" she asks, pulling their joined hands so she can rest Hawke's palm against the swell of her own belly. "How does this make you feel?" she asks softly.

[Marian Hawke]

She pulls her hand back quickly. "I can't," she whispers. "I... I don't deserve to... I hurt them. I hurt my babies. There's nothing worse in the whole world."

[Aveline Vallen]

Right, shit. "Sorry," Avelien says rapidly, allowing Marian to pull away from her stomach but not letting go of her hand. "I'm sorry, that was-- that was dumb. I just-- Dammit. Sorry." No, help her, not you. "It's alright, amata. I mean-- it's not but it-- But it can be. Will be. They're safe, they're well. We'll get through this, together. Promise."

[Marian Hawke]

She shakes her head. "If you want to promise me something, then promise me no matter what you'll put them first. You'll be the best mother you can be to them. That's what I need from you."

[Aveline Vallen]

Aveline looks stricken, mouth moving for a few seconds before she looks away. "Amata, you know I can't--" She breaks off, drawing on the steel in her soul. "I will promise this; I will always, always, love and cherish you. I will promise this; I will preserve not just our love and your life, but your soul and your heart. I will promise this; I will never allow myself to forget or ignore that allowing you to harm the babes again would break you forever." She swallows. "Is that-- is that enough?" Please don't ask me to put you aside. Don't ask me to walk away. Because I'm afraid that you're working yourself up to that and it would break me.

[Marian Hawke]

"If it's between me and the babes, pick them. Always," she whispers. "Promise me."

[Aveline Vallen]

"Hawke," Aveline groans miserably, eyes filling with tears. "I can't-- I don't-- That's too broad, too--" She sucks in a lungful of air, then exhales noisily. "I will preserve their lives over-- over--" Her voice cracks, face filling with agony, "--over yours."

[Marian Hawke]

"Thank you," she whispers, and she presses Aveline's hand to her cheek, dampening it with her tears. "I know that must be hard but... they deserve to have you. You're the best of us at protecting someone, and they need to be protected. They'll be tiny, helpless. It's our duty, all of us, to keep them safe."