Under Darkness [AU]

[GamesMaster]

Anders shrugs. "It's worth trying. If it helps, you may want to ask her for a... negative memory of Jadan, but one that is not too traumatic, to try after that."

[Tethras Clan]

Varric nods slowly, his mind jumping back to an afternoon spent curled up with Hawke as he shared his family's stories. "Yeah. Yeah, that might... that might be a good idea. If, uh, if you all want to maybe pick a memory you think might help, we can do that some afternoon. Soon."

Zevran nods slowly, finally shifting so he face is exposed, though he's still pressed against Isabela. "Should... should we avoid sex?" he asks in a small voice. "Or... Merrill? I just... I was thinking maybe the first time Merrill told us she loved us."

[Isabela]

Isabela just cradles Zevran, quiet. It's not like I was around, really. I kept leaving. I'm sure she doesn't want to remember me.

[GamesMaster]

"It might be a good idea to steer clear of Merrill, but... it's really hard to tell. She's not particularly expressive about her thoughts."

[Tethras Clan]

"I've noticed," both of the other men mutter. "Alright, I will.. try and think of something that was just the two of us," Zevran says, going quiet as he realizes how few... deeply intimate memories he can recall that were just him and Hawke. We had good times, yes, and important times as well. But most, if not all, of the times we... had a loving moment, I suppose, it was Merrill that lead the charge. Was I... am I truly that... unable to reach out without cloaking my emotions in flirtation and irreverence?

"...got two more things to bring up," Varric says reluctantly, getting a wince from Zevran along with his attention. "When talking about her vocalizing her desires more often, she rather blandly informed me she doesn't have any. I pressed a bit, and she mentioned this Book of Noble Truths, this drivel about all suffering coming from desire.'

"This is the truth of suffering: birth is suffering, aging is suffering, illness is suffering, death is suffering," Zevran quotes, voice growing uncertain near the end. "I don't recall the rest," he admits, eyes shadowed. "It's from a Tessiline sect."

[Isabela]

"What was she doing learning about Tesseline sects? She's not religious, is she?" wonders Isabela

[GamesMaster]

"She was Astean," says Anders with a shrug. "I rather think that came from her Jadan."

[Tethras Clan]

"It's common among slaves. It... if you give up on ever being happy, about every having... rights or freedom, then... it hurts less," Zevran whispers. "I toyed with the idea a few times but I just... as daft as it sounds, even at the worst, I enjoyed sex too much to entirely give up."

"Sounds more like a Keindrinas, or Sirena trick," Varric observes tightly. "And yeah, she's Astean. Friendly with Ciren, Mileen and Vangal for various reasons, but she's bone-deep Astean."

[Isabela]

"So you're saying she's... given up? On, what, on living?" Even Isabela sounds... strained. "Is that why she's not getting better?"

[GamesMaster]

"This is likely another symptom, not a cause," Anders cuts in, but he doesn't look as confident as he sounds. 

[Tethras Clan]

"She... she seems to have... she seems to think that if she just... obeys and doesn't... do anything but please us, we'll all be happier. I get the impression that she... was convinced that it was her... willfulness that lead to us distancing ourselves from her," Varric explains. "Hawke... honestly feels grateful to Jadan for teaching her how to be... a better person."

[Isabela]

Isabela's hand clutches Zevran painfully tightly as she fights back her anger. "Does she." Her tone reveals the rage simmering under the surface, tightly controlled and suppressed -- a rare mood for her.

[GamesMaster]

"This is common among, ah, kidnap victims. It's a safety thing: they identify with their captors so that they will be treated better," Anders says gently. 

[Tethras Clan]

"She has to be," Zevran says weakly. "What kind of... pet would be ungrateful? If you can make the slave like being a slave, they'll actively resist attempts to rescue them," he explains hoarsely. "It can be nice, not having to make decisions, not having to take any blame. Oh, she feels guilt, yes but guilt can be a pleasure after a while. A sick, twisted pleasure, but that's nothing new to a slave. But if you only obey, if you only do as you're told, then you can't fix anything. You can just... be. And obedient slaves are often treated better as yet another incentive."

"And- and keep in mind, Jadan used mental compulsions to... ease the way to this. Its employees were able to reveal it used charm magics at the least and it's possible it had other tricks," Varric reminds them. "There's nothing active on her anymore, but that doesn't undo damage already done anymore than wounds from fireball spell heal after the magic fades.'

[GamesMaster]

Anders nods. "Do you know any way to... get through to her?" he asks Zevran. "I'm basing this all on things I've read or been taught here, but you've lived through this already."