Under Darkness [AU]

[Tethras Clan]

"...Hawke," Varric whispers as he listens to her internal... poison.  "It'll be okay," he says with a sigh. "I know it looks bad now, but it'll get better. We'll keep trying, keep helping. Just... stay hopeful, Hawke. Believe in us... please."

Zevran rests his head against the back of Hawke's, the magus laying on her back as she's cradled between her two lovers. Aveline continues to whisper comforting noises and words. After a moment, Zevran clears his throat and starts to sing softly. His voice is smooth and pleasant, if clearly untrained, as he lovingly sings... bawdy tavern songs.

[Marian Hawke]

Believe...

She fights to stay aware, but not hard, and not for long. Comforted, the adrenaline rushing out of her system, she slowly drifts off, safe in her Clan's arms. 

[GamesMaster]

As she drifts off, cradled in the arms of her lovers, Anders clears his throat, glances at Varric, then at the door. Once he gets the dwarf outside, he walks with him a ways, just to avoid being overheard; Isabela follows, at a distance, just in case. 

"Might I ask what that was about?" Anders says, his voice too calm. 

[Tethras Clan]

"...I used the wand to... remind her- I'm using a detect thoughts formulae and I could see her mind burying the memory of its expression as it stabbed her. So... I reminded her. Until it stuck," Varric says evenly, waiting to take his lumps.

[GamesMaster]

He takes a moment, clearly composing himself. "Do you recall a conversation we had yesterday about using a less traumatic memory?" His voice doesn't raise in volume, but the tone is quite clear. 

[Tethras Clan]

"And we did- at first, then I-" Varric stops abruptly. His expression blanks, then goes to a more natural, neutral state. "It wasn't planned. I just... seeing, hearing- feeling her mind ceasing, collapsing in on itself and just- I couldn't stand it. She needs to remember if she's ever going to want to get better. And she can't get better until she wants it. So I... I made her remember."

[GamesMaster]

"The way she screamed -- do you realize you could have done permanent damage?" Anders' anger surprises himself, sneaking up on him and taking over his tone. He takes another deep breath, trying to get his feet under him, as his left hand balls tightly into a fist. 

[Tethras Clan]

"...yes," Varric whispers. "There's a reason why I- why I plan everything in my life. Impulse is stupid. Risky. I..."

[GamesMaster]

"Beyond risky -- the last thing she need right now is stupid, impulsive actions!" Anders' voice finally raises, his throat tightening on the words. 

[Isabela]

"That's enough!" Isabela moves forward, a dagger in one hand. "You didn't stop him. I didn't stop him."

[Tethras Clan]

Varric glances at Isabela, a touch off guard by her support. "Thanks, Isabela, but he... he does have a point. Prefer he not shout and risk waking her up but I did fuck up." He takes a breath. "Rather get your read on how bad a fuck up it was, rather than just get strips torn off."

[GamesMaster]

"You were the one reading her mind," he snaps. "What happened in there?"

[Tethras Clan]

Varric nods curtly. "Right. She... she reacted well to the first memories. Seemed to get the right kinds of responses that we were looking for. But uh, then her mind wandered and she recalled... recalled the moment when Jadan stabbed her. Its expression was... pretty telling. She... her brain refused to accept it though, tried to bury it right away so she didn't have to deal with it. So I used the wand to pull it back up. Six times."

[GamesMaster]

Anders flinches, sucking in a hissing breath. "How did she react? Other than screaming -- was that fear? Pain? What happened after you stopped?"

[Tethras Clan]

Varric swallows hard.  "'It hurts, it hurts, make it stop, I don't want to, I don't want to remember, don't make me remember!' Then, out loud, 'He hurt me, he hurt me, he hurt me,' she was desperate and afraid. She tries to reach for the conditioning it gave her, but remembers me saying: 'Jadan killed you, remember that, it's important. I am a good-' She cuts off there, the memory of Jadan hurting her, betraying her makes the conditional unpalatable for this. She's thinking, 'there's no comfort here, only cold, empty words, only the look of disgust and contempt on his face as the sword slides-' and then she flinches away from the thought. Out loud,"save me, Maoroi, help me, please, I can't, I can't breathe-" and then Aveline manages to invoke the wand she's off again."