Under Darkness [AU]

[Tethras Clan]

"Gods Hawke, you-" Varric's words choke off as a sob slips out. "You humble me," he says hoarsely. "Every day, you just..." He clings to her, trying to not fall apart.

Aveline shifts a little so she can pull them both into a hug, being their rock.

[Marian Hawke]

Hawke clings to her papa, trying to impart as much comfort as she can into his small, sturdy body. This, this is why I don't deserve him, because I break him nearly in half trying to help me. I can only pray to be worthy of him someday, to be someone worthy of fighting this hard to keep.

[Tethras Clan]

"It's been breaking him," Aveline reveals. "Doing the same kind of thing Jadan did, even if it's for reasons as... as opposed to each other as why Vangal and the Iron Bitch seek order. Hearing you accept it, ask for it, is exactly what he needed to hear, amata."

"Snitch," Varric mumbles, though he doesn't sound upset in the slightest.

[Marian Hawke]

"I never wanted you to suffer," she whispers. "You're my bedrock, my Papa. I need you most of all. When you-- I wasn't well when you asked, but I knew if you thought it was important, it must be the right thing."

[Tethras Clan]

I don't deserve your trust. I don't deserve you Hawke. "It... was a good thing. I hope it was the right thing. I just couldn't bare to... lose you again, not like that," He shudders again.

"It was," Aveline says gently. "It was done for her, out of love. If there was sin in the deed, it's washed clean with her forgiveness."

[Marian Hawke]

"I would forgive you anything, Papa. And you, Aveline. Neither of you could hurt me if you wanted to. Neither of you would ever want to. I just wish... I wish you didn't have to spend the rest of my life picking up the pieces, putting me back together."

[Tethras Clan]

"Hawke Tethras," Varric says sternly. "That is our choice, our lives. We think you're worth it, even if you can't see it. We love you. You're our family, the soul of our Clan. If you can't see that, then at least trust we do."

[Marian Hawke]

Hawke nods. Since when does he call me -- well, it's not exactly wrong. "Alright. I'll -- I'll try."

Try she does. Over the next four days, she's better than they've ever seen her: more responsive, more lucid, more herself. If she doesn't sleep much, Aveline's there to look after her; if she cries more than she's used to, who could blame her after the ordeal she's been through? She is, at long last, recovering.

A few afternoons later, the thing Zevran's been dreading finally happens. She hadn't slept much the night before; when Zevran arrives, Aveline is reading aloud from Tales, leaving Hawke to glance up at him when he enters. For a brief instant, as he crosses the doorway, there's a shadow in her eyes. Fear? Anxiety? Loathing? She turns her face away, smiling faintly in a grin that doesn't meet her eyes, unable to look at him quite. "Zevran," she says, a little too firmly, as if reminding herself. 

[Tethras Clan]

Zevran steps back before he can stop himself. He stares a moment, head slowly shaking slightly. And then he's bolting from the room without a word.

"Was someone-"

[Marian Hawke]

"Zevran!" Hawke shouts, lunging to her feet, nearly falling over herself in her haste to get to the door. She can't run -- she can't keep up with him -- she can't-- "Beka!" she calls, trusting in the dog even as she moves as fast as she can make herself go after him. 

[Tethras Clan]

Beka surges to her feet and bolts after Zevran with silent intent. The four-legged canine swiftly outpaces both humanoid females- and just as swiftly catches up to Zevran. By the time they're out of the room and around the corner of the hallway, Beka has Zevran on the ground, pinned, with one arm in her jaws. Zevran is limp, unresisting, weeping.

[Marian Hawke]

Hawke lets herself stumble then, finally coming to a halt, draping herself atop him. "Please, Zevran, please don't leave me, please, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, whatever I did I'll make it right, I swear, just please don't leave me," she whimpers. 

[Tethras Clan]

Beka edges out of the way, looking confused. Good Scritches is pack, but Winter Alpha told to chase. Chased him, but he's sad. And now she's sad. Beka is sorry? The mabari whimpers softly, then presses close against her Captain when Aveline kneels to pet the poor beastie.

Zevran is continues to tremble and shake, his breathing shallow. As Hawke moves atop him, in between her words, she can hear him. "-sorry, sorrysorry, hate it so much, peel it off, please don't- not those eyes- can't hate it, hateithateithateit-"

[Marian Hawke]

"I'm sorry," she whispers, over and over. "I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry." She shudders, reaching down to his hip, looking for a weapon that isn't there, hasn't been there in a long time and which she couldn't use anyway. "Please, help me," she whispers, swallowing hard. "I-- I need--" 

She can't finish the sentence, can't say it aloud. Not with the binding she asked to be kept on her. 

[Tethras Clan]

"That's enough, both of you," Aveline barks out. I gave them a chance to start on things, but this is... no. Patting Beka one last time, she leans in and scoops the pair of them up in one pile.

Zevran lets out a startled yelp, the sheer unexpectedness of the event jarring him momentarily from his spiralling. "We're going back to the room, getting into bed, cuddling close and then we're going to talk this out like Clan. Understood?" ex-Captain Vallen orders.