Under Darkness [AU]

[Marian Hawke]

I can't, I can't, I can't do this, I can't, "yes ma'm," I can't, don't make me do this, please, Aveline, please...

Her voice is a hushed whisper, her eyes dry, staring into the distance unseeing. 

[Tethras Clan]

"Yes ma'am," Zevran echos dully.

Carrying the pair back to the bedroom with a bit of effort, Aveline carefully sits down, then wiggles herself back before allowing them to shift around her. She does not, however, let them go entirely. And... "Beka, ward the door. Now. What was all that about?"

After a full minute of silence, she huffs. "Fine. Zevran, why did you run?"

"...Merrill's eyes," the merikos drow whispers brokenly.

Merrill's what? What is he... oh fucking Abyss. "Zevran, Hawke isn't Merrill. She's not... Hawke. Are you afraid of Zevran?"

[Marian Hawke]

Hawke hugs her knees to her chest, buries her face against them, says nothing. Remembers a face twisted in disgust and contempt. Cannot, will not, speak -- will not lie and say she didn't think about it, will not in any way compare her beloved Zevran to that thing.

[Tethras Clan]

"Hawke, I need you to pay attention. Are you afraid of Zevran?" She repeats. "Not of something in your memories, but of Zevran?"

[Marian Hawke]

She whimpers, rocking slightly. "Please don't leave me," she whispers. "Please, I'm sorry, I'll do whatever you like, please just don't go. I know you wouldn't hurt me."

[Tethras Clan]

"Hawke I-" Zevran chokes off his first response. It was just a flashback. It's not a... triggered response or whatever it was Anders called it. It was just... a bad memory. She... she still wants to touch me. Be with me.
 Love me. Unable to find the words, to verbalize what he needs, what he wants to happen with them, he just heaves himself overtop Aveline so he can kiss Hawke.

The most expressive thing he can do with his lips is not speaking after all.

[Marian Hawke]

Hawke pulls back, just slightly, just enough. An instant later she leans in, forcing herself to kiss him back, but it's Master's eyes she sees, Master's frown of disapproval that spurs her onward. 

[Tethras Clan]

And Zevran can tell, yanking himself away with a sob. "Hawke, I'm sorry," he gasps out, trying to get away but not able get free from Aveline. "Please- I can't- I can't-"

"Shhhh, shhhh," Aveline croons. "It was just too fast, that's all. Hawke, are you with us? Are you here and now, with Aveline and Zevran?"

[Marian Hawke]

"Please, master, I'll be a good pet, I am nothing but a sheath," she whispers. 

[Tethras Clan]

"Hawke Tethras- amata, focus on me. Who am I?" Aveline demands, ignoring Zevran's pained whine. "Hawke, I need you to look at me? Who am I?"

[Marian Hawke]

"Mistress," she whispers at once. A moment later, she shudders, and forces out, "Aveline. Maorai."

[Tethras Clan]

"Thank Astea," Aveline mutters. "Who am I?" she repeats. "Who are you?"

[Marian Hawke]

"Maorai," she repeats, closing her eyes. "I'm your Amata."

[Tethras Clan]

"And what does that mean? Not the translation- what does it mean?" Aveline presses.

[Marian Hawke]

"Love," she whispers. "It means love. Not ownership but love. You protect me and keep me safe."