Under Darkness [AU]

[Tethras Clan]

My smiling sun,

Well... Clan. I think of Clan. I seek out Clan. I try and picture what you or Zevran or Papa would do. I can never do those things, but sometimes it helps make me realize it can be done. Then I try to picture what you'd tell me to do, how you'd encourage me. That helps a lot of the time. But if that's not enough, because it's a bad day or it's a really hard thing, I find cuddles. Papa is good for talks but cuddles make him uncomfortable so I mostly do that with Silence or Anders. Or Seli or the twins this last week or so. Seli is really, really, really, really, really good at hugs. And listening and soft smiles and kind words and just being there when I need to cry. Papa and Anders try, but they can't cry with me like she can. It makes me feel less alone, to know she has pain too, pain that's not because of my pain. I wonder if she'd mind if I called her Mom?

I'm glad you got to see Carver and that it went well. Watching him and Hunter romp about looks like great fun, doesn't it? I can turn into a wolf too now but I'm a tiny, regular wolf. Silence likes to romp with me too, but she's bigger than I am and much better at dogging so she has to be careful when we play. You should ask Papa about your sire, I think I heard him mention that we have a grandmother in Raplin when he was talking to Carver? I might have misheard though, that was a sleepy day. Oh! Those are new. I don't have nearly as many bad days anymore, but sometimes I just feel... blah and ugh and just nap or doze away a day. It makes me feel a little guilty the next day, that I just wasted a day for no reason, but Anders pointed out I don't have them any more often than I used to have bad days so it's not a downturn and at least they're better than bad, right? So that's nice to think about.

Best of luck talking to Seli. She's really great, I'm sure it'll go fine.

I love you, my guiding stars, my first friend, my first love, my hope.
Please be well.
Merrill Tethras
 

[Marian Hawke]

Beloved,

Seli says

I don't know if I can believe her, but

Do you remember when

I am

I wanted to write to you before you have a chance to get worried. I am sorry this letter is late. I can't figure out how to talk about what happened. I miss you.

Yours,
Hawke

[Tethras Clan]

Not two hours after Hawke's latest letter reaches Merrill, Zevran knocks on Hawke's bedroom door. He's holding a bottle of elvin wine in one hand while behind him, Aveline is carrying a lunch tray for the three of them. "Hawke... can we come in?" he calls after the knock.

[Marian Hawke]

"Come in!" she calls, putting away her sketchbook. I should pull out a game, if they're brought lunch -- maybe the new one, with the colored stones?

Hawke looks well enough today; she wears a ribbon at her throat, twin to one she'd given Merrill, and her staff is leaning by the door rather than close at hand, indicating she feels reasonably safe. She's up, dressed, and lively, all good signs for the day. 

[Tethras Clan]

Her two lovers, lovers to each other by this point as well, exchange a glance as they enter. "We have lunch, some light wine and some gossip," Zevran declares as he glides into the room. Setting the bottle down, he leans over to kiss Hawke thoroughly.

Aveline smiles fondly- she's still rather private about her sexuality, but she no longer looks away or even minds when her lovers... express their desire to each other in front of her, regardless of where they are. "It's a hot lunch, so don't get too carried away over there."

[Marian Hawke]

Hawke can't help herself -- something about being warned off, about being cautioned to hold off, about being told to slow down, just spurs her onward, makes her draw Zevran just a little tighter, push herself on him a little more. 

When she finally tears away, it's with reluctance. "Hi," she whispers, grinning at her dusky-skinned lover. 

[Tethras Clan]

Zevran licks his lips, breathing a touch unsteady. "Perhaps... perhaps cold tomato soup would not be so bad," he proposes, then yelps as Aveline tugs him back against her. "Ah, did you-" He's cut off by Aveline kissing him rather soundly as well, then let go with a push towards the table.

"Lunch, then we can..." Aveline blushes a little. "Read in bed for a bit and... whatever else. But lunch and talking first."

[Marian Hawke]

Oh. This isn't a casual visit, is it. The sappy grin fades, her face becoming more wary, more guarded. "Food is important, yes," she agrees. "How's your day going, my Warrior?" She knows how Aveline's is -- the two aren't so joined at the hip as they were, but the paladin is rarely more than a room away even now. 

[Tethras Clan]

"My day is fairly well. I caught up with Seli and Carver, then had a brief talk with Merrill when I went over to slip your letter under her door," he says, voice a touch thick with emotion, eyes alight. "I... we did not speak long, but... it was good," he whispers.

[Marian Hawke]

"I'm glad," whispers Hawke. "I thank Ciren, often, for the fact that you two can talk at all, even if it has to be through a door."

[Tethras Clan]

"She said she wants to try a face to face sometime soon," Zevran continues, studying his hands. "But she wants to see you first. To test the waters of how she's... progressed." Aveline silently plates and serves their lunch, then gestures for them both to come sit.

[Marian Hawke]

Hawke nods. "Whatever she needs," she says quietly. "You know that."

[Tethras Clan]

"And part of what she needs is for you to be okay," Aveline replies. "So you have to take care of yourself. Merrill would hate herself for pushing you too hard and hurting you. You know that."

[Marian Hawke]

Hawke's face closes off, becomes guarded. "What is this about?" she asks, keeping her tone even, level. 

[Tethras Clan]

"Hey," Zevran says softly, reaching over to take her hand if she'll let him. "It's us. Merrill was... worried about what you said in your letter. Or didn't say, rather, she was... not entirely descriptive in the issue."