Imprints in Stone [AU]

[Varric]

Varric shifts a little, expression stubbornly set despite a slight flush. "Yes, sometimes I curse," he mutters. "Get over it."

[Marian Hawke]

"...Only when things are... Really bad," says Marian quietly.

"He cursed when he found out about Bonfire Night."

"Yeah."

[Varric]

"...yeah." Pretty sure I've used that word more times in the last year (since becoming a parent full-time) than I did in the century prior. "Not a fan of that... scenario. Had more than a few talks with the twins over their own feelings of guilt in the matter." He growls a little, muttering, "thrice-cursed selfish bitch, may she choke in her own breath, alone and forgotten," under his breath in dwarven.

[Marian Hawke]

"Did you curse when they told you I died?" Asks the patient Marian, her voice timid.

"Probably at you for doing it," the nurse replies, and Marian flinches.

[Varric]

"...I cried," Varric confesses softly. "Not... I didn't... Not in front of the twins. They were... bad off. I had to keep them moving, keep them going. But at night, when they were resting, while I was on watch, I cried."

[Marian Hawke]

"I used to wonder if you'd find me. If you'd come save me. If you would even know to start looking. Later I.. it's better, that you were with them. Beth is so sensitive and Carver gets so mad sometimes..."

[Varric]

"That's come up, yes," Varric says with a soft laugh. "But also the other way around. Beth's started arguing for herself now. She can be damned stubborn about not being told what she can't do these days. And Carver... he puts a lot on himself. I..." He swallows. "I did. Look. Went back to Golden Shores and... I couldn't find you. Obviously. So I got a scroll and did some divination and... I must have phrased it badly," he nearly snarls, furious with himself.

[Marian Hawke]

"If it was during the day..." She whispers. 

The nurse shakes her head. "This is all lovely but there's still the matter of her care. We--"

"No," says Marian, her voice small but steely. "If this is the only chance I get, if this is the last time I can be myself like this, then we have to talk now."

[Varric]

...what the hells? "Can you... expand on that? Last chance... why?"

[Marian Hawke]

"Because," she says softly, taking a deep breath. "I'm not Liz Tethras. I'm Marian Hawke. I remember agreeing to be Delved, twice. You have my masks. In a few minutes, you're going to hand me one and we're going to go be heroes and rescue my girlfriend."

[Varric]

"Hand you... one?" Varric asks carefully. "I gathered you were Marian a bit ago, but... that part I don't get."

[Marian Hawke]

"This... This is non-functional," she says softly. "I need to be functional. You will give me one, and I will put it on. Then we can go, and save my girlfriend, and you can go back to Helene. And it, the Delve will be successful."

[Varric]

"Marian... you've got a bit of a misunderstanding. Well, a few, and more I'm unaware of, what with being a mortal and all. But the two that are most relevant... One, for this Delve to be a success, you have to be you. All of you. Not just Liz, Garrett, Dutiful Daughter, or even Marian Tethras. That's all parts of you. Which leads to the second: masks aren't what you are. Everyone uses masks, those polite fictions, the... adaptive behavior that shifts depending on our company and tasks. Putting on a mask doesn't change who you are, it just... brings to the foreground an aspect of yourself. But you have to take the masks off. You have to be able to take the masks off."

[Marian Hawke]

She shakes her head. "No. You don't understand. I don't have a self under the masks. I need you to decide who I am. Who I should be. Then I can function. I don't want to be this one anymore. I want to be one of them. So. Garrett or Liz? Who am I?"

[Varric]

"Yes you do," Varric insists. "The masks don't just appear out of nothing. Circumstances might call them forth, but they're made from you. Bits of you, crystalized and cut off from the rest of you."