Imprints in Stone [AU]

[Bethany]

Bethany jumps a little, her mind having grabbed onto memories of two nights ago as a means of not thinking about... about... that. "What? Sorry, I was..." she blushes hotly, glad she has her back to him. She clears her throat. "You need to talk? What, umm, what about?" A thought occurs and she nods slowly. "Oh. Right. We never did... discuss Don, did we?"

[Carver Amell]

"Whatever is between you and Don is fine," he says, rapidly. "I don't really care, either way, so long as you're safe and happy. No, I mean... us. You and I."

[Bethany]

Bethany blinks, startled by the first bit. She wipes her hands off and starts to turn, just in time for the second part. "Oh," she says quietly. She's silent a moment, then sets the towel down. "Alright."

[Carver Amell]

Carver takes a deep breath, choosing his words carefully. "I.. I wanted to start with.. I'm sorry. I-- I know I already apologized for shouting, but.. I... I shouldn't have hid what I was doing from you. I should have trusted you more."

[Bethany]

Bethany stares a moment. "I... thank you," she says, voice soft and warm. "That... that's good to hear. Really." She looks down at her hands for a moment. "I... I'm sorry I didn't... I should have handled that better myself. I just... gods, I used to be so frustrated with how you and M-Marian lost their tempers so often, so easily. But lately... everything just... irks me so easily. I can hide it, at least most of the time, but with you and Dad, I just... i can't hide how I feel from either of you." She rubs at her eyes. "Sorry, you... I kind of took over the talk, didn't I?"

[Carver Amell]

"That's fine," he says quietly. "I... Beth, I'm afraid. I don't want us to be what we're turning into. I never did. I want... I want you back. I want to be twins again."

[Bethany]

That's... a shot to the heart, Beth thinks with a wince. "I... yeah. I still love you. That's never faded or anything. But I just... It feels like you don't trust me anymore. And... I..." She winces again. "Sometimes I find myself just wanting to... to scream. I don't even know why, it's like my skin is too tight or..." She scrubs at her face again, then stares at the dampness. When did I start crying?

[Carver Amell]

"You keep hurting me," he says quietly. "I don't say anything, because I don't want you to feel sad. But... I'm scared, Beth. Real scared. I almost left, just like Malcolm. And you... you keep calling me stupid," he finishes, his voice dropping to a hoarse whisper. "You keep acting like if I don't do what you want, you won't love me anymore."

[Bethany]

"What?" Bethany gasps out, horrified. "No! Carver, no. I couldn't- gods, Carver, I couldn't ever. Not you. I- I'm scared too. You... you're hurting yourself. First the... the hound thing, then the cutting and... losing Marian was... it hurt so badly. Losing Dad was just as bad. If I lost you, it'd break me. Forever. You're half of me. I get scared and I- I hear- I hear it again and I just- it burns to anger."

[Carver Amell]

He nods a few times, short, jerky nods, but he looks down at his feet, composing his thoughts. He licks his lips, deep in thought, swallowing the first few things he wants to say. When he looks up again, he takes a deep breath.

"You say things too, when you're mad. I... I'm scared that after a few years of being mad like that, saying things like that... I'll leave. And you.. you won't have anyone. You'll lash out at the people you love, find someone to blame, reject them, push them away. I... I don't want you to end up like that. I don't want me to end up like that. So I... I need to work on saying things. I've been talking to Aveline about how to... how to say things without making you so mad. But you need to work on not being like that. On not letting the stupid things I say make you... mean."

[Bethany]

"You're not stupid," Bethany say softly. "Even if I say you are. I don't mean to, I know better, I know what it means to you but I just.. forget. No, not forget, I just... I'm so scared you might... die that I'll say anything to make you stop. I hate myself for it. But I'd rather you... hate me than die." She stares at her feet, gut churning with guilt and shame. "I'll try. To... be better than to..." She licks her lips. "Be Leandra."

[Carver Amell]

"Beth," he says, his voice thick. "If anything kills me, it begins with hating you. No. Hating you is dying. I wouldn't be Carver Hawke Tethras if I didn't love you more than life itself. But I'll, I'll try not to be the Hound either."

[Bethany]

"Gods, get over here and hug me," Bethany says over a bittersweet sob, lifting her arms.

[Carver Amell]

He runs to her then, releasing Hunter, crushing her tight to him with a desperate sob. "M'win," he whimpers. 

[Bethany]

'La'a, ma'win," she echos, pressing her face into the crook of his shoulder. "Always. Even when I'm stupid."