Imprints in Stone [AU]

[Helene Dakesh]

"Suffering?" they parrot, glancing at their still leg once more. "That wasn't-- this isn't suffering. This one has learned correct behavior and sometimes... forgets. This one will try harder."

[Varric]

"Correct behavior? There's no rule against jiggling your leg, not with me anyway," Varric assures them. "Seriously, if you want to move your arms, legs and hands all at once, all I'll ask is not to spill the drinks. Or knock anything over."

[Helene Dakesh]

"There are rules," they say quietly, their voice small. "Quiet hands. Still body. Make eye contact. Speak when spoken to. Speak in correct, full sentences, and do not repeat words or stutter. Do not hit any part of your body. Do not bite adults."

[Varric]

"... okay, that last one is okay-ish- biting is fine in a fight, do what you have to survive but otherwise, yes, no biting anyone, adults or kids. The rest of it? Meh. I'm not going to punish you for breaking them, promise." And as soon as I find out who ground those rules into your heart and soul... well.

[Helene Dakesh]

There is a long pause where everything is too still. Finally, in a small, meek voice, they whimper, "Promise?"

[Varric]

Varric gets to his feet, smoothly coming around the desk. Stopping a few feet from them, he extends his hand. "My word of honor, on my Name, my Clan, and my Lineage, that I will not punish Seeker Helene who was Dakesh who was Avanti who was Eden whose past is unknown for failing to perfectly adhere to social norms. In exchange, Seeker Helene will be honest with Varric Tethras of Clan Tethras about when they need help to the best of their abilities. Do we have a deal?"

[Helene Dakesh]

Helene stares at the hand a moment, then extends one of their own. "Understood," they say quietly. "Agreed." They shake his hand, once, firmly, then move to gently place the glass down on the desk, pulling back their limbs, folding their hands neatly in their lap.

They let out a sigh, and all at once, motion comes back into their body. They rock, back and forth, their eyes on their lap. Their leg doesn't resume jiggling -- it's as though the larger motion, the rocking, burns up the excess energy they needed to bleed off in a smaller, less obtrusive way. It looks significantly less normal than the leg jiggling -- looking at them, you cannot miss the distress signs now.

Further compounding the issue, they raise their right arm, holding the hand up in the air, fingers spread. It shakes back and forth, almost like a dancer accompanying a shimmy; they glance up at it out of the corner of their eyes, still rocking.

[Varric]

Varric is calmly getting back in his seat when they glance at him. He settles himself in his seat, taking a long sip of whisky, and waits a moment. "Do you need to wait a bit or is talking okay?" he asks quietly.

[Helene Dakesh]

Almost they lower their hand -- he can see the nerve failing, the shame leading to the action, in their face. But they shake their head, swallow, and keep it there. "This is acceptable."

[Varric]

"Alright. Do you mind talking about what you're doing? Explaining what it is, how it helps or why you're doing it? It's clearly helping, so that's good, but I like knowing why," Varric explains.

[Helene Dakesh]

"Why?" They echo, blinking. "This is... This one does not understand why. This one has been told this is unacceptable. That healthy children-- people-- do not do this thing. But it is how this one moves when this one is distressed." Or happy. Or anxious. Or nervous. "This one only does this when this one is alone."

[Varric]

"Well... do you want to see if we can figure it out?" Varric offers. Actually kind of an interesting phenomenon. "And 'normal' people do in fact do things like that. Generally not as full-body as this, but people commonly jiggle a foot or entire leg, tap their fingers, hum, or move their hands wen they're nervous or wound up. Nervous tics."

[Helene Dakesh]

"Nervous tics are acceptable. Stimming is not." That word they use -- it's unlikely Varric would have come across it before, not unless he's done a thorough study of the subject. "This one limits this one's motions, when this one requires motions, to nervous tics. This one tries very hard not to be defective. Hallucinations would disrupt this one's ability to convey Alydra's messages."

[Varric]

"Okay, sorry, questions: one, define stimming please. Two, you have hallucinations? Or could?" He doesn't sound annoyed or scornful, but rather worried, so that's probably reassuring to them...

[Helene Dakesh]

"Stimming is small repetitive motions that the dream-touched do and normal people do not," they say, glancing back at their lap. "This one has come to understand that many dream-touched hallucinate, primarily auditory hallucinations but also visual. This one has not." The 'yet' doesn't need to be spoken.