Imprints in Stone [AU]

[Carver Amell]

He nods. "Good. I don't want to think anymore."

[Tethras Clan]

"You've spoken too soon. I plan on pushing you on all fronts. We'll start with wind sprints- fence to fence. Every third fence, I want you to call out a good thing about yourself- and it can't be something about your family. Something about you. Every fifth touch, I want something that you have to work on, improve, about yourself. It's a test of your stamina, your concentration and your mental state," Aveline says, proud of her little inspiration. 

[Carver Amell]

He stares. "What?! I can't-- there aren't that many good things about me!"

[Tethras Clan]

"Pretend to be Beth and Merrill and think of how they'd describe you. Unless you think they're liars?" Aveline asks curiously.

[Carver Amell]

"I think they're insane," he grumbles, but wary of Aveline's patience, he jogs to the fence anyway.

He can't see what Beth sees, as he begins his sprints. He just can't. But... As he rounds his second leg, he thinks of the way Aveline looks at him sometimes, when he pulls off something difficult. She doesn't dote on him. She knows when he fucks up and she doesn't pull punches. But... Sometimes... She's proud of him too.

"Hard working!" He calls out, as he touches the fence.

"D-dad? Can we talk?"

It hasn't escaped Varric's notice that Carver had stopped calling him Dad. Judging by the guilty look when he almost slips up, it seems to be more about his self-image than being still angry with him, which helps... A little... With the sting. Whatever Aveline said to the boy today, however, he hasn't switched back to direnwolf form all afternoon. And now, after dinner, this? This feels like a miracle.

[Varric]

"Of course," Varric replies softly, closing the ledger he'd been forcing himself to work on. "Always time for family." That last was mostly automatic, but also a slight test, the dwarf carefully watching for the young man's reaction.

[Carver Amell]

Carver flinches, just a little, but he takes a seat, shutting the door. "Thanks, Dad," he says again, reinforcing his earlier utterance deliberately.

[Varric]

Not really thinking about it, Varric opens a drawer and pulls out a bottle and a pair of tumblers. "So... what's on your-"

[Carver Amell]

"No," he blurts, then takes a deep breath. "No. That's-- that's what I wanted to talk to you about. I don't... I can't drink anymore. Ever."

[Varric]

"Ah," Varric says quietly, stilling. "That's... that's probably a good decision," he says after a moment, putting one of the tumblers back. Then, after a slight pause, the rest of it as well. Not going to abstain myself, but I can at least not drink during this conversation.

[Carver Amell]

"What I said was... I can't be that person anymore. And, Aveline won't let me be a dog. She says I can... I can be better." He gives a bitter laugh. "I think she's insane. But... But if I don't drink and.. and you watch, make sure I don't hurt them too bad, maybe..."

[Varric]

"I can do that," Varric promises somberly. "I... I drink a lot, but I'm careful about it. Between my dwarven body, experience and poison training, I can imbibe a lot of alcohol without losing control. That's something I put work into, because I really enjoy the taste and the... art of it. And because I used alcohol the same way you did once and I refused to... my way of making sure I never became that person again was to master it. Refuting it is just as valid an answer and honestly probably the better one. I can be stubborn and prideful, you may have noticed."

[Carver Amell]

"Maybe... Maybe someday, I would like to do that. To be strong like you. But I'm..."

He hesitates, looking away and fidgeting in his chair. "Aveline said... Well anyway... I... I thought you might want to know I... I started hurting myself again."

[Varric]

Varric flinches a little. "I... I had... wondered if you would," he admits. "Thank you for... telling me. I... I suppose we should discuss why."

[Carver Amell]

"I... You know why," he fumbles.