Imprints in Stone [AU]

[Varric]

"I'm a parent. Messes are an expected part of the package. If there weren't messes, I'd assume I was doing it wrong. That you couldn't trust me to... let me see. Or that I wasn't paying enough attention," Varric replies gently. "It's alright to lean on me Carver. It really is."

[Carver Amell]

"I cut again today," he whispers, hiding his face in his handkerchief. "After, I was talking to Beth and... I... she scolded me for only thinking of her and nobody else. I don't want to be like Merrill. So, but, I told her, I think she'd be hurt most if I died. More than you. You'd be sad, but... you don't go to pieces like me. Like she might. You're strong. You'd take care of things."

[Varric]

"Hurt isn't...  She... well, you're right, I think in 'hurt most' but that's not... That's like saying being eaten by a ninety foot dragon is worse than being eaten by an seventy foot dragon. You're still food," Varric says carefully. And even that's only true because Merrill wouldn't hurt for long, one way or the other. Your other sister either (she'd blame herself, still too fragile for that).

[Carver Amell]

"But you, you handle things so much better. When, when I, when you came to get me, you had everything under control the whole time. You just showed up and fixed the problem. I'm the one that went to pieces."

[Varric]

"That was because Helene held me together the previous night," Varric admits, keeping his voice even. Then he pauses. When he resumes, his voice is pained. Tight and less even. "If they hadn't kept an eye on me, stayed with me and held me to my word, I'd have..." He winces. "Made exactly the same mistake you did." He tilts his head towards the bottle of apple cider pointedly.

[Carver Amell]

Carver stares at Varric, gobsmacked. Then, impulsively, he throws his arms around his Dad and clings to him.

[Varric]

The dwarf tenses, just a hair, even as he hugs the young man back. Even after nearly a year, still not used to hugs (not bad though). "Everyone needs someone to hold them up from time to time. No shame in it."

[Carver Amell]

Carver shudders. "I don't want to. I don't want to hurt anyone else. I don't want to hurt my family any more than I did. If I... if I die, will you take care of Beth? Will you help her?"

[Varric]

"...I'd keep her together long enough to drag you back, then step back to watch as she tears you apart," Varric says tightly. "But Carver... you have to get past this. You have to learn to open up and lean on someone. Not doing so hurts more than sharing."

[Carver Amell]

"How can I? Every little thing I tell Beth she gets upset," he whispers. "I don't want to hurt people."

[Varric]

"...so what? Let her get upset. Better she gets upset than you break her," Varric replies bluntly. "Besides, what upsets her the most? From what I can tell, it's you hiding things and the ways you try to cope because you're hiding things."

[Carver Amell]

"Haven't I done enough? Haven't I hurt her enough?" he whispers. 

[Varric]

"No," Varric repeats. "Trying to avoid hurting her just makes it worse. You have to learn to trust her to handle herself. Be there for her. And trust us to be there for both of you, just as you'd be there for all of us."

[Carver Amell]

"She knew I was cutting," he says quietly. "But she was still upset about it. I... I can't stop doing it, Dad. It's sometimes the only thing that helps."

[Varric]

"Like drinking was the only thing that helped for me.  Being drunk or hungover all the time meant I didn't exactly get around to fixing any of the shit that caused to me to drink in the first place. Ruined things too, which meant I had to drink more because it was the only thing that made the pain go away, for a bit. Sure, it made it worse later, a lot worse, but it was better now and that was all I cared about," Varric says bleakly.