Imprints in Stone [AU]

[Carver Amell]

Carver nods. "I think so. That makes sense. I... the worst thing is being lied to by family." He doesn't, can't, look at Varric when he says that.

[Varric]

"Carver... talk to me?" Varric asks softly. "Please?"

[Carver Amell]

Caver is silent for a moment, choosing his words carefully. Finally, a few tears drip into his lap, and he says, his voice hoarse, "You lied to me. You knew she was alive, you knew how bad it hurt when she died, and you didn't say anything. I know you promised and I know you were planning to but you still didn't tell me."

[Varric]

The dwarf bows his head. Objections form by the dozens- technicalities, sophistries, explanations and justifications. Finally, he says, "I didn't."

[Carver Amell]

Carver dabs at his eyes, taking a deep breath. "Did you think I couldn't handle it?"

[Varric]

"No! I knew you'd-" Varric takes a breath. "I suspected that you and your sister would be elated. Hurt, that she didn't come straight home to us. But elated. But she... she was- maybe is, I think- so... ashamed. She feels like she... failed, somehow. As if she was supposed to die in noble sacrifice and that being captured instead was a betrayal of you both instead. And even more ashamed and guilty at what the demon used her body to do. I promised not to say anything because it was the only way I could see to get her to stay. It was... it was only supposed to be a stalling tactic while I figured out how to convince her to come home for real. To talk to you both."

[Carver Amell]

"It... it is a betrayal, though," he says slowly, glancing up.

[Varric]

Varric nods a little. "I had to pick- do I break my promise to Marian and tell you and Beth, betraying her? Or do I keep my promise, betray you and Beth. I... I guess I thought she needed it more. She was so damned broken, I just... I couldn't..." He takes a deep breath, hating the quiver, the thickness of his voice but not allowing himself to mask it. "It hurt you. And I'm sorry. I wish I'd been smart enough to have found a third option."

[Carver Amell]

"Not you-- I mean, that too. That hurts too. But also... she... what she did."

[Varric]

Varric licks his lips. "What part?"

[Carver Amell]

"She didn't... she didn't come home," he says, swallowing hard, his voice thick. "She was alive and she didn't come home. Didn't want to come home. Just... just like..."

[Varric]

"No," Varric says quickly, urgently. "I- I can't tell you- I won't tell you that it shouldn't hurt. But... gods, Carver, I don't think you- I don't think I can understand how bad it was for her, even after Delving her mind. Can't even begin to. Imagine... imagine four months of last week. But no Beth, no Merrill, not even Hunter. It's just you, suffering the worst you've ever suffered, alone. Now add in that every morning you wake up with more scars, more disfiguring marks, covered in, at best, blood, booze and food. That's what happened to Marian. That's part of what happened to her. It hurts that she didn't come home, but it's nothing like Malcolm and his simple cowardice."

[Carver Amell]

"Nothing that happened to me, nothing that could happen to me alone out there, would keep me from coming home to Beth," he says quietly. "The only thing is Beth not wanting me anymore. Is you lying to me. Is the family falling apart altogether."

[Varric]

"...nothing? Even if you thought you coming home would hurt us more than us thinking you were dead?" Varric asks just as quietly. "She thought it was better that we thought of her as... Well, as a martyr or sacrifice than the broken person she'd become. That she'd been made into." He shrugs a little. "It's okay to be hurt though. Just... try and see her side of things as well?"

[Carver Amell]

"She knew how much it hurt that Malcolm... even if she didn't know about Leandra. And, and you did too -- you knew about both of them. And you still thought hiding this from me, hiding my sister from me, was the better option. So... so.."