Imprints in Stone [AU]

[Varric]

'So now you're not sure if you can trust me again," Varric says with regret. "Which is why you can't talk to me about your problems. Can't talk to Beth because you can't bear to hurt her, even if that hurts her worse later on. Merrill... yeah no."

[Carver Amell]

Carver nods. "So I just... deal. I cope the best I can."

[Varric]

"What about Aveline?" Varric suggests hopefully. "Or... well, I'd like for you to be able to come to Beth or I, but I can't... Part of what you need to talk out is your hurting Beth by trying to not hurt her thing. And I can't ask or make you to trust me again until you're ready for that."

[Carver Amell]

"I don't know. Aveline..." He hesitates, chewing his lip. "Sometimes talking to Aveline makes me feel worse because I felt bad at all."

[Tethras Clan]

"She is... a bit intimidating. All that... steel and will," Varric allows, then taps his cut thumb on his hip. "...how bad? Your cutting? How... often and... you said something about stopping when your hands start shaking?"

[Carver Amell]

"Every day. It's, it's not a lot, I mean, I manage without stitches, but I... I don't know, I get so overwhelmed and, eventually I get lightheaded and shaky and have to sit down for a bit. That's when I stop. It's, I don't think I'm losing a ton of blood, but I get lightheaded anyway."

[Varric]

Varric stares at Carver. "...you realize that- no, why would you? It's not common knowledge so-" Varric takes a deep breath. "Carver, your body needs time to replace lost blood. A day or two, sure, fine, but a week of that? If you weren't so well conditioned and otherwise disgustingly healthy, you'd probably have passed out by now."

[Carver Amell]

"Oh," he says, his voice very small and quiet. 

[Varric]

"Yeah. Did- were you cutting before? I mean, since that night with the knife?" Varric asks with real concern.

[Carver Amell]

He shakes his head. "Talking... helped," he admits. "Some. And when things got bad sometimes I'd go harder in training, or punch trees until my hands hurt. It helped some too. But I didn't-- I didn't want to worry Beth by hurting myself on purpose. But it's been every day since Merrill...."

[Varric]

"Alright. Can..." Varric rubs his face a moment. "Is there something... is there anything I can do to make it easier on you?"

[Carver Amell]

He blinks. "Cutting?  Uh..."

[Varric]

"No, stress. Your feelings. Being overwhelmed. To avoid you having to cut," Varric says quickly.

[Carver Amell]

He winces. "I'm fine. I'll be more careful, in the future. It'll, it'll have to ease off eventually, right? M-Garrett will wake up, and we'll fix Merrill, and, and everything'll be fine."

[Varric]

"Carver...."