Imprints in Stone [AU]

[Varric]

"I couldn't find that third choice, the one that would allow me to convince Marian to stay without keeping such a vital secret from you and Beth. I let things with you and Merrill fester instead of addressing it. I was so caught up in my head that I didn't realize how bad off I was so that Helene needed to step in and keep me from getting drunk," Varric rattles off easily.

[Carver Amell]

"But.... but..."

Carver frowns, not liking this train of thought -- and yet, unable to argue against it. Finally, he says, "you shouldn't have to. Any of that stuff. You shouldn't have to clean up my messes. If you didn't you wouldn't want to drink, or, and, you wouldn't have to worry about me and Merrill."

[Varric]

"I'm your father." He doesn't say anything more than that- to him, that's enough by itself. He's their father, so their messes are his to, if not clean up or prevent, then to at least mitigate and smooth.

[Carver Amell]

"So? It's still not fair to you."

[Varric]

"Life never is." Wouldn't want it to be anyway. If good only happened to good and bad to bad, then nothing would ever happen to anyone because babies aren't either (presumably). Life would be just... constant neutral nothing (boring). With no suffering to punish and propel or happiness to reward and encourage...  Hmmm, should think more on this later (discuss with Helene). "And you do realize that this could be said about you? You aren't obligated to protect the girls either."

[Carver Amell]

"What?" he blinks. "Of course I am." 

He continues blinking, though, as he thinks it over. Why is he so compelled to protect Beth? It predates his conversion to Vangal; it's just a natural law, a way the world always has been. 

Or... 

"...if you'd been there since we were babies," he says slowly. "When people started picking on Beth..."

[Varric]

"I'd have stepped in to protect her," Varric says simply. "That should never have fallen to you. Or to Marian either. A little, sure, but protecting kids is what parents are for."

[Carver Amell]

Carver nods, slowly. "I decided to protect Merrill because she didn't have parents. I think... Beth was the same. I only had to do that because we didn't have real parents. Just Mother. And maybe... I could protect myself, but I shouldn't have had to?" 

He glances up at Varric, to confirm. "She still deserves to be protected, more than me even, but... Maybe you can do it for a little bit. Maybe I can, maybe I can rest, a little while."

[Varric]

"I... yes. I would be happy- honored- to be able to protect you from time to time. You're an adult, I won't baby you. But... You don't need to do everything yourself," Varric says, voice a little thick. "Take a break every once in a while. Focus on your friend, your life on occasion. I'll take your watch."

[Carver Amell]

"Okay," he says quietly. "I want... I don't know what I want, but I know I can't take much more of this. Last time that was true I left town for a bit, and it helped. But I can't leave town entirely."

[Varric]

"I could... rent you a room at the inn. Or you could stay at the temple maybe? Get some training in? The hideout seems... a bad idea. It's too... also Beth's, I guess," Varric says, staring at the ceiling as he thinks out loud.

[Carver Amell]

"I haven't been back to the hideout since..." he mumbles, shaking his head. "What about Aveline? Maybe she's not too busy, maybe I could stay with her for a few days?"

[Varric]

"You know her better than I do," Varric replies. "I think she'd be a good person for you to be around, but I have no idea if she'd be up for a guest. I think... I think she might, given it's you, given... the last week though."

[Carver Amell]

"Oh, but.."

He hesitates, glancing at his left arm briefly.

[Varric]

"Hopefully you won't need to do that anymore, if you... can get a break. And if the urge hits, maybe ask for a spar. Or go for a hard run with Hunter or Lawful's mabari.. Becky?"