The Silver Queen [AU]

[Isabela]

"It's worth a shot, isn't it? for this, for the family?" asks Isabela, voice cracking.

[Tethras Clan]

"Trusting, open and honest... I would like that," Zevran says in a thick voice, memories drifting through his mind. "I am... unused to such a thing. Unused to being the one to speak, to ask, first. M- Merrill was always..." He has to pause to swallow painfully. "Ask and I will answer. And I will try to... share before being asked but I am not sure if I will be good at it."

[Carver Amell]

Carver looks down at his hands, swallowing hard. I caused this. I should.. I should go first, try to remedy it.

"When I was born... Bethany and I were identical. My parents gave me a name and it.. it wasn't right. My body wasn't right. I kept trying to hurt myself, until, until my dad took me to meet Dau. Dau made my shell over, the right way this time, and Dad named me Carver, and we... I pretended it never happened. But it did happen and seeing Dau... I wasn't prepared. I've been on edge since. So I... if I've been snappish, I..."

[Helene Dakesh]

Helene puts a hand on his knee. "Thi-- I understand. My shell is also wrong, but I cannot fix it. It is part of my bond with Alydra now. So... I understand. If you need to speak of it, you can speak to me."

[Carver Amell]

"Your... parts, too? Not just being a child but...?"

[Helene Dakesh]

"P-perhaps? This one is... unsure. But... This one recalls what it was to feel worthless. To know this one was wrong, to feel that this incarnation had been a mistake. This one had made the decision to move on to the next incarnation, but Alydra offered this one purpose and meaning instead. This one chose to serve, and this one... is glad that this one continued on."

[Isabela]

"I wasn't born Isabela either," offers Isabela, unable to look at either of them. "I was born someone else. Someone weak. I too... I had to decide. I couldn't be that person anymore. I could die, or I could forge myself into someone new. So I became Isabela  and I... for a long time, I was happy. That's why I was thinking of leaving. After what happened with Lord and Lady Olocaryn, I... I thought about remaking myself again, into someone else. But I couldn't leave. I have people now, that matter to me. So I... So I'm staying."

[Tethras Clan]

"...I hate my skin," Zevran whispers. "My hair does not bother me for some reason. Perhaps because white hair is not entirely unheard of in other races. But dark skin? Not fur or scale, but skin? No, that is the sign of evil, of perhaps the foulest, most... monolithically evil mortal race in all of Aldis. When I was seven, my father..." He laughs softly. "Gods, it's been so long since I thought of this, I've never really thought of what it must have looked to him. I grew up in a small village, mostly livestock farming. So skinning was something I was aware of- but the death by blood loss was not." He rubs a finger near the bend of his elbow. If there's a scar there, it's hidden by ink. Even before he'd gotten the other tattoos, it would have blended in with the dozens of other small, tiny scars from his previous life. "I just wanted to look like him, so people would stop hating me. Stop looking down on him, for having the gall to accept me."

[Carver Amell]

Carver reaches out, taking one of Zevran's hands -- surprising Isabela, who was about to do the same. "Maybe we should... you could have Dau change you. Both of you. We could all take new names, together, decide to be something new."

[Tethras Clan]

Zevran is still, head bowed. "I... it is something to consider. I... I have often thought of using my hat to appear as elven merikos for more than just subterfuge. What stopped me was... Marian and Merrill. Neither of them ever so much as gave my skin a second thought. It feels like..." He winces. "It feels like it would be betraying their compassion to change it now. But... I do not know." He glances at Isabela, then Helene, seeking their input as well.

[Isabela]

"I like your skin," says Isabela, softly. "But... I understand if you don't."

[Helene Dakesh]

Helene bows their head. "It is not this one's place to comment," they say, softly. "This one will always and has always been what this one is. This one has been... feared, but not in the same ways."

[Tethras Clan]

Zevran frowns. "It is your place to comment, Helene. You are family to me as well- and I asked for your comment so..."

[Helene Dakesh]

"The decision must be yours," they reply. "There are ways. Many of them are irreversible. I will remain regardless. It is... if you do this thing... there are things this one would  like to change as well. If it is right to do this, to change the way one was born, this one would seek out similar changes. Not outward, but inward changes. This one... is defective in several important ways."

[Tethras Clan]

"Inward as in... internal organs or... deeper?" Zevran asks, a bit worried now.