The Silver Queen [AU]

[Tethras Clan]

"What?" Zevran blurts out. "Carver, you are not..." He pauses. "You are very likely not cursed, but we can have someone check. And it is technically the gods fault, in so much as they made us mortal and so forth and so on. But I doubt very much they care about us personally, Helene and Alydra's special relationship aside." A pause. "My apologies for the Ciren-y phrasing, it was unintended. No, Carver, this does matter. Everyone dies, so we should live and live well. Embrace joy, seek love, create family and discover wonders and mysteries. Live, not just survive."

[Carver Amell]

"Living hurts." Most of the fire goes out of him then, and he slumps, covering his face with one hand. "Sorry," he mutters, to his hand. A few fat tears hit the table below him, but he doesn't acknowledge them. "Sorry."

[Isabela]

Isabela puts her hand on his shoulder. "We miss her too, Carver. Every day."

[Tethras Clan]

"All of them," Zevran murmurs, head bowing as his hands dig into his forearms. "Marian and Merrill most perhaps, but I miss them all."

[Carver Amell]

"You would have liked Beth," he says, his voice soft, hoarse. "She was so good. She cared about people in a way I never... she never once questioned me when I told her who I was. She just accepted it. She just love me. Even when I fucked up, she just loved me. I've never been the same since she died, never."

[Tethras Clan]

"People never are- the same, I mean. After my father died, after my... after the death of the person I thought my half-brother was... after Mori..." Zevran goes silent, fingers going pale grey.

[Carver Amell]

"Bethany was--"

For a moment, the memory overwhelms him, and he makes a strangled, whimpering noise. I never told them what she said, he realizes, dully. I never said anything. I said I forgot, the strain of dying and all, and then it was just easier to let the lie stand.

"When she-- when that thing, that lich-- when she died, she said..."

[Tethras Clan]

Zevran tenses and Hunter's head lifts up sharply as he picks up the scent of blood. "Carver?" he grits out in tense demand.

[Carver Amell]

"I lied," he whispers, shuddering. "About not remembering. It was just... I didn't... you didn't want... I didn't want you to... What she said to me, before she killed me. It was something Marian would say, something only she would... not a lich. Not some necromantic creation. Something she would say if she wanted to hurt me. Something we both  knew deep down: Bethany was the only good Hawke."

[Helene Dakesh]

"It had her memories. Not her morality, but her memories. It's theorized that's why the soul remains entrapped -- so that the lich can harvest the memories and do Teseline's bidding, using them to inflict maximum damage." Helene's voice is ruthlessly gentle.

[Carver Amell]

"You don't understand. Everything else was just a little off, some creature puppeting her, pretending to be her. This was... this was something she'd said to me. Something I-- it's true. Beth was the only good one."

[Tethras Clan]

"There were other moments," Zevran disagrees. "Little things but... true- and all the more painful for it." He swallows, hard. "Marian... I am sorry Carver, but you did not know the Marian that died to make that monster. Not all of her, not anymore. She'd changed from the woman you knew. And the lich was- is- wrong. I do not doubt Beth was wonderful. But she had flaws I'm sure. And you have flaws and wonder," he gives Isabela a warm smile at the word strangely, "just like Marian."

[Isabela]

"She was," begins Isabela, and almost she gives up, her voice cracking. I'm only going to be able to say this once, but I can... I can do it. "She was the same, when she was with me. The same small sounds, the same touches. But ruthless, like she forgot how to love someone, could only remember how to fuck them."

[Tethras Clan]

"Gods," Zevran breathes out, hand reaching out to grab her forearm but halting the gestures at the very last second so his fingers are just lightly resting on her skin. "Isabela..."

[Carver Amell]

Carver lowers his hand to stare at her, still sobbing silently. Perfectly silently -- he's apparently had a lot of practice. "I'd thought-- hoped--"