Blood from Stone [AU]

[Carver Amell]

"No. But I don't... I don't want to leave him out, not tell him. But I can't... I've never told anyone my whole life. Even, just now, even, I hinted but let you guess."

[Varric]

"To be fair, I'm very good at guessing," Varric points out with a faint smile. "But... Alright. Hmmm. I would say... try talking to Beth first. Then Helene or Merrill. Beth likely already knows and doesn't care. Helene can understand being born the wrong sex and Merrill..." He snorts. "Well, she's Merrill. You could tell her you're a sceleratis and she'd give you a hug and a pat on the head for being a very nice sceleratis and would you like a cup of tea?"

[Carver Amell]

Carver flinches. "It's... I don't..  I can't.... I just can't." He groans. "I don't even know the right words. How would I even tell Jass? Hi, by the way, my body was born defective," and he spits the last word, knowing Varric's opinion of it, "and I've been hiding it, but don't worry, Dau fixed it, only not all the way because surprise, I'm not straight, and I've been crushing you for years, hope that's not weird?"

[Varric]

"Enough," Varric snaps. "Your shell wasn't correct for your soul. That's fixed. It happens, that's why we have medicine and magic. My mother needed glasses before she was ten- two or three for a human. Just born with defective eyes. Didn't make her less of a person or any less wonderful of a mother or a blacksmith."

[Carver Amell]

Carver sighs. "I guess," he grumbles. "I just..."

[Varric]

"I know," Varric says, tone gentling. "It's hard to... shuck off all the insults and doubts that build up in life. You're a man, Carver Tethras. That's a truth as long as you believe it, no matter what other people judge you as. Loving woman doesn't make Beth a boy, does it? Neither does you loving males."

[Carver Amell]

"I'm sure I wouldn't if I'd been born right. Guys like me don't... It's alright for Zevran, he's girly anyway, but..."

[Varric]

"So Beth is... boy-y?" Varric asks, frowning. Why doesn't common have a counterpart for girly? Stupid language.

[Carver Amell]

"Yeah, a bit. She's stubborn and brash and, you know, a bit mannish. Kinda like Aveline but less so. I bet Aveline likes girls too."

[Varric]

Varric quirks an eyebrow. "Those are Tethras traits," he corrects Carver. "And what about me? I assume I have no male or female traits?"

[Carver Amell]

Carver says nothing, unwilling to use the obvious slur to describe his beloved father.

[Varric]

Varric nods. "Defective, I know," he says quietly. "That's kind of my point. Every single one of us, every single person you know... doesn't fit. Kind of implies that maybe it's the standard you're measuring bu that's really defective, doesn't it?"

[Carver Amell]

"I... I tell myself it's fine, for Beth, to be, uh, whatever. A lesbian that likes Don. Maybe bisexual. Whatever. And, it's fine for you to be whatever you are. And Helene's fine. I don't really... I don't really think... but when it's me, I just, I can't. The standards are different. I have to... I have to prove to everyone that I deserve this shell. That it wasn't a mistake."

[Varric]

"Fuck that," Varric says simply, softly. "You're my son, Beth's twin, Merrill's family and Aveline's student. And friend. You're Carver Hawke and you are yourself. You don't need to earn it."

[Carver Amell]

"But I did," he whispers, heatedly. "I had to earn that name, this shell. It can be taken back. I can..."

He rubs at his eyes, hands quivering as he does.