Blood from Stone [AU]

[Carver Amell]

Carver, meanwhile, is shaking his head. "Yes, fine, whatever, sex, but... Liz, she's wrong. You died for us. You'd never do what she said you did. You just... you were asleep. You thought it was a dream. I do all kinds of fucked-up things in nightmares. It doesn't mean anything."

[Marian Hawke]

"But it wasn't a dream, was it?" she asks, softly, looking down at the table. "I was lucid. I chose to do what I did. To offer what I offered. It wasn't... it wasn't one of you, but it could have been. I was desperate. I'd have done anything."

[Varric]

"That doesn't matter, Carver. Sorry, I need to back up. It's not about whether you disagree. Right now, Liz feels that they can't trust themselves to be there for themselves, much less anyone else. Words won't fix that. Liz needs to build themself back up, to prove, in small ways and big ways, over time, that they can stand. That won't be easy." Varric takes a deep breath. "Might not have done it, if you hadn't thought it a dream. But that doubt? That's toxic, having that possibility lingering in the back of your head. I can't blame you- hells, I'm proud of you for seeing a part of yourself you don't like and moving to fix it."

[Marian Hawke]

Liz swallows, nods. "That's... the part you won't like," she says, softly. "I'm going to try this. I'm going to do what I can. But if it doesn't work... I need you to let me go. Okay? I need you to let me save you. Just like before. I can't... I can't put the family in danger, and I can't be honest about what's going on if I think you'll freak out if it's going badly."

[Carver Amell]

"Like hell!" Carver shouts, standing from the table.

[Bethany]

Beth's breath catches in her throat but she forces herself to tighten her grip on Liz's arm even as she snaps out, "Carver, no shouting."

[Varric]

"What's your back-up plan then?" Varric asks, voice even. "If trying to build yourself back up by... embracing joy and passion and being honest with us doesn't work... what's Plan E?"

[Marian Hawke]

"I don't.. have one yet," she admits, slowly. "Only, I can't trust myself to be around you if I don't see results soon. Three months. If I'm not seeing improvement, if I think I'm still a danger, by then I'll have a plan to, to leave. To go somewhere else. I don't know where yet. I have ideas, but I don't know if I can go through with them."

[Varric]

"Will you let m- us help you? Not just with getting better, but with coming up with back-up plans?"

[Marian Hawke]

She hesitates, shifting a little, then shakes her head, just once. "I... can't."

[Carver Amell]

"Why?" Carver growls

[Marian Hawke]

She flinches. "If I let-- if I let you help, you'll, you'll become invested. I won't, you'll make me change my mind, make me stay. And I can't let that happen. But I can't... I don't want to hurt you, I won't want to stand up to you, you'll wear me down and I can't let.. No. That has to be firm, up front. If I don't improve, you let me go."

[Varric]

Varric frowns, head tilted to the side. "That's... not incompatible with my request though. I counter with your promise that we can help with your pursuit of joy plan and with coming up with your Plane E, which is some form of plan that isolates you from the five- Merrill- of us."

[Marian Hawke]

Liz takes a deep breath, lets it out. "...alright. But it's my decision. You can help come up with ideas, but you don't... don't pressure me. Okay?"

[Varric]

Varric studies Liz, eyes twitching a little, almost as if he's reading something. "...five months, so you don't miss the twin's birthday. In exchange, I'll write out all my critiques of any possible Plan Es, instead of doing it verbally. That's easier to refute, based on my observations."

"But-"

"I know," Varric cuts Beth off. "I know. It's a serious gamble, but... if Liz is so busy worrying about us trapping her and hurting us, then how can they focus on healing?"