Blood from Stone [AU]

[Carver Amell]

"It's not enough," he says, his tone bitter, exhausted. "Everyone knows it. That's why nobody ever let's me help, accepts my ideas. I'm not smart enough."

[Varric]

Varric frowns a little, then sighs. "Honestly Carver? It's that you make a choice, a decision, a judgment right off without talking it over with the person. Makes it feel like you're giving commands or edicts. I know I can fall into the same trap, but I'm also a lot more practiced at talking my way out of offence. Half the time your plan or whatever isn't wrong or even all that bad."

[Carver Amell]

"I was--"

He cuts himself off, forcing himself to lower the volume. "I was trying not to say the words Summerhill or, or anything like it, until she'd taken a sedative. I was worried she'd have a panic attack. I couldn't talk it over with you without tipping her off, so I figured I'd have you sedate her, at least a little, and then lay out my reasoning. I thought you'd... I thought you'd trust me."

[Varric]

Varric blinks. "What? I do trust you. Disagree sometimes, sure, but... What did I..."

[Carver Amell]

"You just... assumed I had a bad idea, that you needed to oppose me. You didn't... You're real clever, I know you can think of things I can't, ways we can talk it out without freaking out Mari-- Liz. But you didn't try. You just... shut me down."

[Varric]

"I... yes. I shut down the idea of institulizing Liz. But that wasn't about you, Carver. I would have done the exact same to anyone that suggested it- Beth, Helene, John- anyone but Liz themself." Varric pauses, analyzing himself for a moment. "Maybe not John. Depends on the exact why he introduced the topic."

[Carver Amell]

"But even before I said what I was after -- I suggested she needed a sedative and you balked."

[Varric]

"No... I countered that you needed to take one too," Varric replies after recalling the exact wording. "Though... Damn. I can see..."

[Carver Amell]

"It sounded like..." He blushes a little. "Like you were rebuking me."

[Varric]

"Yeah, it did. I... sorry. I mean... I was a little, but more of a 'if you're going to shout, then you need to take a tonic too when you try to make your panicking sibling take one' rather than... a straight rebuke."

[Carver Amell]

"I tried, I really did, but I can't not shout when she's..." He shudders. "Tell her, for me, that I can't... It's cruel, beyond cruel, to bring up her dying like she did."

[Varric]

"Not a fan of it myself, truth be told. I... I have to not think about it, when... when it's happening. I'm good at that- pushing things aside to think on later." Varric sighs a little, tilting his head back to stare up at the ceiling. 

[Carver Amell]

"Is it... something you can teach me?" he asks, gently. 

[Varric]

Varric tilts his head to the side. "Maybe? I've never tried but... might not be able to do it as well as I can- the process was natural to me, but I don't see why not? Have you ever done mental conditioning? As part of your paladin training maybe?"

[Carver Amell]

"A little. Some of it to... control my impulses," he admits. "To avoid flying off the handle like I did." He takes a deep breath. "Maybe... for a little, you can try to teach me? And then maybe for a little we can just... think about it, and be sad?"