The Amell Legacy: Transgressions

[Marian Hawke]

"Stand my ground like I did today?" she says, bitterly. "Everyone would be better off rid of me."

[NPCs]

"Not a great showing, no," Roland agrees after clearing his throat. "Might want to work on learning to explain more 'why' in your arguments. You seem to have pretty good reasons for most of what you do- more reason that most folks in my experience. Everyone has blind spots and just plain moments of stupid or weak. But you don't do well in explaining. Makes it feel like you're either acting irrational like or just being contrary."

[Marian Hawke]

"I did explain. It didn't help," she mutters. "You and Beth, you get along. You fit together. I don't get to have parents or... or friends of parents. I'm the bastard. Nobody ever claims me. So you and Beth can keep being happy together and become family and I'll just... not be in the way."

[NPCs]

"No, you really didn't. You blurted out a decision, then came out with a fifty-fifty of bitterness and partial explanation," Roland corrects her. "Got sidetracked, admittedly by me, in regards to Mal."

[Marian Hawke]

"You mean with Bela? I made an offer. And Beth freaked out at just that."

[NPCs]

"Girl has serious abandonment issues. She might have had all those things you mentioned- the gowns and servants and wealth- but she sure as shit didn't have a mother or an uncle. Never even mentioned her step-father." He shakes his head, frowning. "Nice girl, but you're going to have to set some clear boundaries there or she's going to weld you next to her with adamantine."

[Marian Hawke]

"She did, though. She keeps saying, oh well, my mother wasn't good enough, but she had one. Mother loved her and Caro-- Car. She and Uncle did whatever they had to to protect the twins. I was nothing to them, any of them. Now that I'm back she's just using me like... like Car's using Hunter: as a security blanket."

[NPCs]

"I think we're talking past each other," Roland says slowly. "When I say she didn't have a mother, I mean she had a mean-spirited and selfish bitch that called herself the girl's mother. From how Beth- and Carver, for that matter, tell it, Leandra- and damned I wish I had recognized the name earlier- treated the both of them like dolls. Look at it this way- would you rather not have a cloak at all or would you like one woven out of poison ivy? Why I'm figuring it, either option is the same as not having a cloak, 'cause I wouldn't wear the toxic one iffen I had any choice in the matter."

[Marian Hawke]

"She makes it sound like my problems are nothing," she mutters. "Just because I learned not to complain. I learned to keep quiet and fake being happy. She doesn't see me at all. I don't know who her big sister is, but it sure as hell isn't me she was missing all these years."

[NPCs]

"Well.. tell her. Sit her down and tell her what happened. If she wants a big sister, then part of that is accepting you can boss her around a bit after all. Girl could use someone to give some discipline, someone that gives a shit about her."

[Marian Hawke]

"Fat chance. Every time I've tried to help her or explain something to her, she's yelled at me and cried. You can mentor her. She likes you."

[NPCs]

Roland shrugs. "If she yells, just stare at her. Repeat 'calm down and we can talk' until she listens. If she cries, give her a hug and wait it out, then start talking again. If she takes a swing, you've more muscle than her, pin her down. If she runs, give her space and talk to her again when she comes back."

[Marian Hawke]

"None of that helps me get through to her. She discounts all her advantages like they're nothing, just to focus on the one bad thing in her life. Her whole life can't be about her twin. She has to build some resilience to everyday problems. She can't throw a tantrum every time something reminds her that life sucks. But she won't hear it, no matter what I say."

[NPCs]

"Well, you have two options really. You can keep trying- different way, same way, whatever- or you can wash your hands of her. Give up on ever having the family Leandra cast you out of. So first things first- you still interested in being her sister? Don't worry about how, just... do you want it?"

[Marian Hawke]

Marian is silent for a long while, wrestling with the question. Finally, she hangs her head. "I was," she says, quietly. "I wanted to come back. I wanted to be with them. I thought... I thought things would be better, because they were just kids, when I left. I thought... But I don't so much anymore. I don't really want to... This is... I can't do this, and I'd rather not fuck things up for her over my own stupid selfish wish to have family. If it's like this, I don't want it."