The Amell Legacy: Transgressions

[NPCs]

"So you want a family, with them, but not how it is now. So. What're the problems? Ones you can fix yourself and ones you can... well, to be blunt, demand they fix if they want to keep you in your life. Can't make them do it, but you can tell them what you need to stay."

[Marian Hawke]

She shakes her head. "No, I mean-- I'm not sure I want anything with them. Car needed help, but he's got it now. They've gotten away from the family, they're not being abused anymore, things are... better, for them. I don't... I don't see a place for me in all this."

She frowns then, thinking. "Or... I guess, really, that's the case with everyone. Maybe Beth's right about me just running away from them. Because, like, it was nice being Seeker's apprentice, but I'm an adult now and we don't have much in common to stay friends. And I keep pissing Varric off. I just... I don't really see a future with any of them. I've been assuming I'm going to have to make my own way at some point and... maybe I just need to do it, to find my own way."

[NPCs]

Pessimistic little thing, isn't she? Noticed she skipped her... not girlfriend or whatever. "Heard a lot of 'don't want this' in all of that but... What do you want? Like... from the Seeker, from the twins, Varric... life? You're constantly disappointed in what you're getting so... what do you want?"

[Marian Hawke]

She's silent for another moment, her cheeks flushing as she realizes how hard the question is to answer. "I... I guess I never really... expected to have any choices. I mean, if you give me options I can pick one?"

[NPCs]

"Sure, I can do that," Roland says agreeably. "Even start with a simple one."

"Live or die?"

[Marian Hawke]

She almost answers with the lie, just out of habit, but she catches it, stops herself -- and her eyes brim with tears as she struggles to actually answer and not just give the Obviously Correct Option. This shouldn't be hard, Marian. Don't you want to live? Don't you want to...

But again, all she can come up with is the answer she gave before about her family: not if it's going to be like this. Not if this is all I can hope for. 

[NPCs]

"...yeah, had a feeling it was like that," Roland says softly, looking up at the sky. "Did... Do you remember much of your father? I know you couldn't have been much more than... what, two or three when he... he..."

[Marian Hawke]

She shakes her head. "I only know Uncle hated him, but Mother loved him. She wouldn't tell me much about him, because it made Uncle upset."

[NPCs]

Roland nods slightly. "I think I mentioned he was about the twin's age, maybe a year or two younger when he met your mother? Thirteen, fourteen, thereabouts? Goddess, he was a clever little shit. Born with a silver tongue and the ability to charm his way into and out of near anything. Which... was not always good for him. He was able to skin past trouble with just a smile and some words. Don't think he ran into much of anything that didn't fix until he knocked up your mother. His father died when he was young, real young. Mother was... well, she was set in her ways, and she loved her husband. Lost without him, for years. Noticed he had a gift, so I offered to mentor him. Ended up damn near adopting him. Took a curse when I was young and stupid, so never had kids of my own. Couldn't rather. When he died... I stopped being careful. Couldn't... be direct, but... Hunted down that wight, then the one that raised it. And a dozen more of the same ilk, never caring a whit about getting out. Best I can tell, Mal sweet talked our Lady Luck into favoring me, 'cause I sure don't have the skill to have pulled it off."

[Marian Hawke]

Marian nods, looking away. "Like I said. Some people are lucky. Some aren't."

[NPCs]

"That all you got from that?" Roland asks tiredly.

[Marian Hawke]

She shakes her head. "I don't know what to say. I guess... I never had anyone to care about, to lose like that. It sounds awful."

[NPCs]

"Course you did," Roland says. "You had him. You had your sisters. Just because you don't remember him, doesn't mean you didn't lose a father. Just because you have them back, just because they've changed, doesn't mean you didn't love them."

[Marian Hawke]

"But it wasn't-- I wasn't allowed to love them. I knew they were off-limits. I tried to look out for them in secret, to teach them, to play with them, but I knew it would be taken away when it was discovered. I didn't... I'm always expecting to lose people. It's not the same at all."

[NPCs]

"Maybe you should try. Expecting to keep someone. Loving them," he suggests softly.