The Amell Legacy: Transgressions

[Carver Amell]

"He never hurt me! Never! Not once!" roars Carver. "Why can't you see that?! Why can't you get out of your own head for five goddamn minutes and think about me!"

[Bethany]

"Bullshit! I've done virtually nothing but think of you for like a decade!" Beth reaches up to dash tears out of her eyes. "How many nights did I hold you so you could sleep? Talk to you through a doorway? How often did I cover for you when you were too down to do your studies or lessons? I- I know I fucked up. I know I missed things and- and I should have done better. Should have realized  you were a boy, should have realized the magics were addictive, should have been smarter about- about him. But I- I was desperate! I just wanted to help you and I didn't know how and it was getting worse and I couldn't- if you died- if- without you..."

[Carver Amell]

"He made me happy," Carver whispers, rubbing the tears out of his eyes. "And you didn't even care. You still don't care. I tried to kill myself because I thought you were fucking him behind my back -- betraying me, the whole time. You and him both. I couldn't stand living in a world where you didn't love me. But you just care about winning the argument."

[Bethany]

Beth stares at him. "...how could-" she chokes off. How could you see what you saw... and think I was betraying you and not- "Fine," she says dully. "He made you happy. He's an evil, terrible person, but you were happy so fuck the rest of it. I'm going to check on Marian." Not looking at him, she turns and heads slowly towards the Healer Hall.

[Carver Amell]

"Why don't you care?" he whimpers, to her back. "You told me for years, over and over, you just wanted me to be happy. Then when I was, you stop at nothing to tell me I'm wrong, I can't be happy, I need to break up with him. You liked me better under the Burden. You liked me better as your broken, pathetic, miserable sister, so you could play nursemaid. I thought we were twins! I thought you loved me! Why!" 

He turns away, tears choking off his plea. She won't listen. Beth is stubborn. She'll never change her mind.

[Bethany]

Beth stops, head lowered. "I do love you, ma'win. I have and always will love you," she says quietly. "I can't even begin to fathom how to stop. I'm so damn pleased that you're... you now. Male and... free from the Burden, at least the worst of it. I hope you find happiness, true and lasting. I just... I don't see how I'm a part of it. I want to be. But... it hurts too much, both of us."

[Carver Amell]

"So you're leaving me," he says, his voice dull, flat. "After all that, you can't accept the simple fact he made me happy -- he hurt you, so you're leaving me." 

He takes a deep breath, rubbing at his eyes. "Fine. I'll get Merrill and we'll leave. I won't bother you again." 

[Bethany]

Beth whirls around. "What? No! I don't mean- Carver, no, I don't want to-" She presses a hand against her face. "Iggggh!" Why can't I ever say things right? Some bard I am. Stupid bitch. Why can't I have a single conversation with a sibling without... "I'm not leaving you." Her words are muffled by her hand, but still understandable. 

[Carver Amell]

"You've already left! The fact that he hurt you matters more to you than the fact I'm your twin," he mutters, shaking his head. 

[Bethany]

"And the fact that he made you happy matters more than the fact that I'm your twin," Beth says bitterly. "That's what I can't figure out. I love you. I do. I want you to be happy. But I can't get past the fact that you love a man that raped me."

[Carver Amell]

"I don't know why he did what he did, but I know what you did and I know why. He raped you because you baited him. You baited him because you wanted me to break up with him. You wanted me to break up with him because you hated him. You didn't care that he made me happy, you didn't care that I loved him, you hated him so he had to go, no matter what the cost. And you won. He hurt you, that's unforgivable, so now my heart's broken twice over -- once for you, once for him -- but that doesn't matter because you won. All you want now is for me to shut up about my stupid heart, admit you won and he's evil and maybe I'm evil too because I love him, but all that matters is that you're right, you won, he hurt you. That's all anyone's allowed to care about."

[Bethany]

"I didn't bait him into raping me! I made a veiled threat that I knew about his illegal business dealing and he skipped right to-" She cuts herself off, shaking her head. "Sorry. That's not- you don't care about that, you- You're not evil. He's a good liar and... he showed his good side to you. I... I understand that you loved him. I get it. I think you deserve so much better, but I get it. I just... I was just trying to protect you," she says miserably. "How did it go so wrong? I..."

[Carver Amell]

"You're a good liar too," he says quietly. "I'm tired, Beth. I can't keep doing this. If I have to leave to protect Merrill, I will."

[Bethany]

"Not with you," Beth insists. "I've always done everything I could to be honest with you, Car. I just..." She sighs, finally lowering her hand. "Tell me what you need."

[Carver Amell]

"I need to be able to talk to you without you twisting everything I say into fuel for your grudge," he grumbles. "I need... I need a friend."