The Amell Legacy: Transgressions

[Marian Hawke]

Marian nods. "I just have to keep moving. Keep my head full of math and press on. Just until everyone's safe."

[Varric]

"Or you can put in some support braces- that would be Shiny, me and your master, to be clear- and then do some repair work when you get some time. Like say now, while we're just treading water and waiting for things to settle."

[Marian Hawke]

She shakes her head. "I can't... I can't break down. Beth needs me. Carol needs me."

[Varric]

"Maybe they need you for that too," Varric says slowly. "Grieving together. Sharing pain and being vulnerable... that seems like it would really help prove how much you mean it when you say you want to be their family and help."

[Marian Hawke]

"How is more crying, more trauma, helpful?" she asks, disdainfully.

[Varric]

"Because it proves you give a shit," Varric says bluntly. "If you hurt for them, for what they went through, it proves you care. And they've had a whole lot of people not caring about them. And if you hurt for your own shit, and let them see it, it shows trust." Good thing Alydra's dogma doesn't forbid hypocrisy. 

[Marian Hawke]

"I've never trusted someone just because they cried," she says, shifting a bit on the couch. "Showing up. Helping out. Not judging. I'm doing all those. If I didn't care I wouldn't be trying to help so much."

[Varric]

"Not just because they cried, no. But it can help. It's a factor in the calculation of trust."

[Marian Hawke]

"I don't... want them to know. The things I'm worried about, the things I've been through. They don't need that."

[Varric]

"Fine. Tell me. Tell Shiny and Seeker."

[Marian Hawke]

"You don't need that shit either," she says bitterly. 

[Varric]

"Still offering."

[Marian Hawke]

She takes a deep breath, then another. "I keep.. I keep thinking about.. Beth talks about what happened and I think of...." I can't do this. I can't talk about it. She shakes her head, swallowing hard.

[Varric]

"That little shit who forced you into sex. Yeah, I imagine it would. Take a sip of your drink."

[Marian Hawke]

She takes a sip, automatically, swallowing hard. "I can't think about it. It didn't happen. It was a dream," she says, her voice dull. "Something that happens to people like me, something I can get used to if I just..."