The Amell Legacy: Transgressions

[Bethany]

"...go on," Beth says after he stops. "What do you need to feel... safe around me again." The word comes out like a healthy tooth, leaving a gaping, bleeding hole in her heart. How did this happen? How did... 

[Carver Amell]

"I just..."

He looks away, taking a deep breath. "I need to know you have my back. That you want me to be happy. That you're not... that my loving someone won't chase you away forever. That I'm allowed to love someone. It's worse than Gamlen, because I can try not to be a boy, but I can't control who I fall in love with."

[Bethany]

"I-" Bethany swallows thickly, not sure what to say. If he tried to date someone like him... or Gamlen, could I... could I really just... let him be hurt? Let him... be that way again? "I will always love you. I will always want you to be happy. I want you to find someone to love, someone good and wonderful and supportive and caring and- and- and someone that makes you deeply content, fulfilled. Love should be wonderful. It should be bright and sweet and wonderful. Not... razorblades in showers." She licks her lips. "I can't promise not to... I can't promise to just accept and support anyone that you might happen to date. I can't control how I feel about someone anymore than you can. But... but I can promise..." She bites her lip, mulling over what she thinks she can honestly promise. "I promise to... be upfront about it. I promise to... at least try not to be a bitch about it, to you or them. I promise...I promise that I will always, always support you, even if I can't make myself support a relationship you're in. I can promise..." The gap now is longer as she tries to find more.

[Carver Amell]

"Nothing is sweet and wonderful for me, Beth," whispers Carver. "Never has been, never will be. He's not the one that... all that came from me. Inside me. He didn't hurt me. He did his best to help me. I just... I'm just complicated and broken."

[Bethany]

"Complicated, broken... maybe. But broken doesn't mean worthless and complicated can be better than simple. "Moving slowly, to give him time to pull away, Beth walks over and tries to hug him. 

[Carver Amell]

Carver turns finally, resting his forehead against her shoulder, shivering. "I'm still me, Beth," he whispers. "I still hurt inside. I'm still fragile. I just want my twin back."

[Bethany]

"Me too," Beth whispers back. "I'm sorry I hurt you." I don't think I was wrong to protect you... but I wish it hadn't... that I hadn't... 

[Carver Amell]

"This is my fault," he whispers. "I never meant to get Marian hurt. I never meant to-- what if they're dead and it's my fault?"

[Bethany]

"No Carver," Beth says firmly. "They- they're adventurers. They do this sort of thing all the time. I'm sure they're fine. We should go check on Marian, see if we can help or something. But they're fine. We just have to have faith in them."

[Carver Amell]

Carver nods, steeling himself. It's my fault, he reminds himself, as he pulls back. I hope they come through. I can't ever ask someone to do something like this for me again.

[Helene Dakesh]

Varric has noticed, of course, that Helene likes him to launch into long stories -- thankfully, ne reciprocates, giving him a break as ne repeats some memorized bit of lore or poetry. It's similarly hard to miss, as they struggle to keep each other talking, keep each other awake, that the lure of sleep is strong even after he takes his tinctures. Air is getting stale, then; they're using enough of it, and the circulation is low enough, that it's getting difficult to focus. But what can they do? He can't move. Ne can't go far. All they can do is pray, and hang on to one another.

So it's very disconcerting when Helene falls silent, fails to respond to the twist ending to his latest story. 

[Varric]

Varric gives ne a few seconds, then another moment. Finally, he clears his throat. Then swallows dryly. "Seeks?" he rasps out, focusing very, very intently on the feel of nir hand on his ankle. And very, very much not on the sudden laxness of it. "Helene?"

[Helene Dakesh]

Say something say something say something

Helene stares up at the rock above, struggling to focus. Words won't come. Nir head pounds, ne's vision swims, and the words have finally run dry. Just as ne was afraid of -- apart from panic, apart from a single fearful occurance, the words have gone away and ne can't reach them. Even nir thoughts struggle to form words, the urgency coming through strongly while the shape of it lags behind. 

Urgency. Some small fear. Some greater yearning, need. Something left undone. Refusal to succumb.

Ne tightens nir hand on his ankle, focusing on the feel of it, desperate to chase away the numb disconnect in nir body, the feel of being wrapped in cotton.

[Varric]

"Nonverbal," Varric says with clear and obvious relief. "That's fine. You're alright. You're alright. Not alone. You're alright. We're alright. Just nonverbal. You're alright." It's- we're not- we're just trapped, we're not- no, it'll be alright, just keep- keep talking. Just keep talking and- and- it'll be alright. Need to... to be alright. "It's alright. I'll- I'll just take another turn. I like talking more anyway. I- how about- I could- yeah, I'll do another Badger story. About... about the Yellow Clouds and the... the...Sand... the Yellow Clouds and the... Sandstone Bastion. Basin. Sandstone Basin."

[Helene Dakesh]

Helene listens to him struggling, fear wrapping an icy grip around nir heart. Danger. Must help. Must... something. Reach out. Something.

With a finger, ne slowly begins to trace a symbol -- symbols are easier, ne can picture them in nir mind, the symbol ne wants. A figure eight, almost, one motion flowing into another; then, rising above it, plunging down, a sharp turn, a graceful curve. Ne repeats the figure again, then a third time: the lemniscate in a heart, the sign of a pure, endless love, like that of Astea for her creations.

Ne lets go, then, confident ne has done enough. Ne has said what needed to be said. Ne can rest, now. Nir grip on his ankle loosens, and ne makes a small, contented sigh, eyes drifting closed.