Imprints in Stone [AU]

[Carver Amell]

"You're never broken like this," he whispers, and there's disgust in his tone. "You're strong."

[Varric]

"...you never saw me after my mother died. Or after..." He swallows. "There's a reason why I... why I'm so careful about drinking. About how I know how bad it can be. And I... strong doesn't mean... perfectly untouched."

[Carver Amell]

"You were... like this when you were younger?" offers Carver, hesitantly, looking up through the tears. 

[Varric]

That gets a slight shrug. "Not the same of course, but... making mistakes? Bad ones? Being... dramatic, I guess. And falling apart when hit hard enough? Yeah, that's... pretty damn close to on the nose," Varric admits. "I closed in, closed off after my mother died. Then I got angry. Said a lot of things to a lot of people I still regret. Nearly destroyed more than one relationship. Well, did destroy some, but almost destroyed two I...

[Carver Amell]

Carver chokes back a sob. "Merrill," he whispers. "Gods, I don't-- I can't-- how can I even-- Merrill."

[Varric]

"That's... you messed up. Getting drunk was a bad choice. Saying what you did... might not have been a choice you'd make sober, but you chose to get drunk, so that falls on you too. But." He lets that linger until Carver looks directly at him. "But you're not to blame for her actions. She could have come home. To Beth. To me. She could have gone to her teacher Wynne. She could have gone to a temple or the park. A bar. But instead she choose to do what she did. You didn't make her do that."

[Carver Amell]

"I know," he whispers. "I know. That's why I came here. I don't... if I did that to Beth, I'd be the blackest coward in the history of cowards. But it hurts. I don't know how to handle it. I just... I just want it to stop hurting so much. I want to be strong like you. I-- if something like this happened to you, you wouldn't panic, at least not now. You wouldn't hurt like this. You'd take care of what needs to be taken care of and the rest would just... just fall into place."

[Varric]

God in all their assorted and varied heavens. "Carver, I'm not perfect. Not even close. I struggle too, I just... hide it well. And I've had more time to get things in order. You say 'not now' like that doesn't mean anything, but I've had... five times your lifetime to prepare for things since I came of age. I've had time to learn how to cope with things. And..." He hold up his hand, the smear of blood very obvious. "Not perfect."

[Carver Amell]

"Blood. You..." He glances at the glasses, paling a bit. "I startled you? I'm sorry." He wipes at his eyes again. 

[Varric]

"...startled isn't inaccurate, per se, but hearing my son say he's worried he might kill himself..." Varric forces a wan smile. "Distressing is better. Painful's good too. I'm... bad at showing how I feel. Or even saying it. But I do care about you." Coward. "Love. I love you."

[Carver Amell]

He lowers his head, dabbing at his eyes again. "I.. I'm sorry. I'm being an ass. I shouldn't have..."

[Varric]

"Shouldn't have..?" Varric prompts him. 

[Carver Amell]

"Come here. Said that."

[Varric]

"Why not? Seems like it helped a lot," Varric points out.

[Carver Amell]

"I.. I didn't mean to, to scare you," he stammers. "I... I'm a mess."