The Amell Legacy: Transgressions

[Varric]

Varric hums softly, thinking the question over. ''Long lived race. No, ah, typical births. Well... merikos births, but they skip a lot of the... special features. The only known naturally reincarnating mortal race, though we're not sure- last I heard- how the system works. Where, when and exactly how, that sort of thing. Ummm. They pop up, fully formed and just before puberty. They have flashes of past memories, usually skills rather than experiences.''

[Helene Dakesh]

Helene nods. "This life is... malformed. This one considered... This one was a child, but this one could already tell this one was malformed, would not be acceptable. This one made a plan to continue on to the next incarnation. But instead of carrying it out, this one was visited, was allowed to swear vows to Alydra. This one was given the option to serve instead of to pass on. This one took it."

[Varric]

Continue on- pass on- ''I... I can see why... why you're... so devoted,'' he says carefully. ''I... I thought... I guess I've never looked much into oracles and how their... burdens? Is that the right word for it? About when they manifest.''

[Helene Dakesh]

"This one is... unusual in many ways," ne admits. "This one has not aged since this one took vows. This one also unnerves outsiders due to this one's unusual structure. This is a heavier burden than most bear, but this one swore vows so young, it may have impacted this one's burdens. Regardless, this one continued to try and function despite this one's deformities, but swearing vows did not fix them. In fact, in some ways, the vows made things worse. This one was more outcast and suffered more after than before. Finally, when this one nearly drowned, this one lost all speech capabilities, including written speech. This one was taken to the program at that point."

[Varric]

Sounds like I'm not the only one that was owed something for this bullshit... ''Wait. That doesn't... Okay. So... your, uh, bond with Alydra burdened you with an unaging body and a sense of unease for outsiders. Those are bad, but they aren't deformities. It's a magical effect. You didn't do anything wrong. Why in stone did you swear that young anyway? And why were people assholes about it?''

[Helene Dakesh]

"This one's burdens are not the deformities. This one is... Is dream-taken. Is defective. This one is... This one's manner of speech, of dress, of thought is incorrect, disorderly. This one suffers from delusions. This one suspects this one suffers from hallucinations, but by the grace of Alydra, this tendency was channeled into a prophetic power in a strength not often seen. But this one's speech, body language, manner of address, everything... This one's disorder of development is pervasive. The training eased these symptoms, making this one capable of communication with unaffected individuals."

[Varric]

That causes Varric to turn and face Helene full on. ''Wait. You... you think being shy and fidgety is worth being slapped? Who the fuck cares of you talk in a very formal manner. Hells, that's better than half the people you can find in your average village who can't figure out the difference between an adverb and a noun or when to use them.'' A part of Varric growls, feeling strangely defensive.

[Helene Dakesh]

"Not shy. Not fidgety. This one has fits. This one bites, slaps, rocks, moans. This one growls. This one struggles to understand basic mortal concepts like gender, modes of address, pronouns. This one has learned much from the program, so that this one can appear ordinary. But this one is not naturally this way."

[Varric]

Or like sex? ''Okay, let's take that bit by bit. fits can be bad. But how often do they actually happen in your day to day?'' Focus on Seeker right now.

[Helene Dakesh]

"Not at all after treatment," Helene says simply. "Before, and during... occasionally. Weekly?"

[Varric]

''For how long? Afterwards, I mean. How often do the fits get severe enough to disable you?''

[Helene Dakesh]

"I do not... I go for treatment before I descend into that poor a condition."

[Varric]

''So... you subject yourself to about a year of treatment in order to avoid fits of unknown length, severity and frequency? Which... might not even happen anyway.''

[Helene Dakesh]

"This one's condition begins to deteriorate, and this one goes for treatment. Before treatment this one begins to suffer from delusions, from a pervasive sense of unease, from bouts of inability to communicate. This one begins to struggle with basic tasks, including rising from one's bed and going about this one's daily duties. This one struggles with basic courtesies, with everyday conversations. This one perhaps gets bad enough to cease communication for days at a time. Then this one goes for treatment. Afterward, this one struggles with scholarship but can function in the day to day. After a year or so, this one achieves full functionality. Some years later, this one begins to deteriorate again."

[Varric]

''That sounds like... honestly, that sounds like you have some self-doubt or some other self-identify issue that is bothering you a lot. After a bit, it leaks out, you get depressed and withdraw into yourself. Then you have someone beat and yell at you until whatever issue is there gets buried again. Have you considered trying to do with the root cause?'' Also, I can totally see what you did here, Old and Baldy and you're not clever. Or subtle. Asshole.