The Amell Legacy: Transgressions

[Zevran]

"And yet I did not have to give up the ability to love. Neither did Haliel or Varric," he returns, forcing his tone to stay mild. "Neither do you. There is very little I can do that is not simply training and some innate grace. I could teach you, if the ability to defend yourself is all you wish. With your potion magic and bombs, you would not need a tenth of my skill to defend yourself from all but the rarest of foes."

[Marian Hawke]

"Yeah, well, my heart's defective," she snaps. "As long as I have this big gaping weak spot, it doesn't matter how strong I am. I could never stab Hali-- Lightsong. And I can't control my stupid heart. So I have to deal with that one way or another."

[Zevran]

Zevran stares. "Why would you need to stab her? She loves you, Marian, deeply. She would rip her own heart out and offer it to you, even now, if you but asked."

[Marian Hawke]

She shakes her head. "It's like I said -- I can have her, be with her, or I can have Zanon. She'll make me choose. She'll keep me some small, weak thing she can pet and coddle. And she can't-- she can't fuck. I'll never be happy with her. I'll always be scared and miserable and settling for second-best. So I can't have her. And as I get stronger, one day she'll look at me and see a threat."

[Zevran]

Zevran stares at her for a long time, memories of slaves selling themselves, their souls (literally or figuratively) and each other for a scrap of power, a hint at control, welling up inside him. "There are other ways to feel safe, ways that would not make you choose. ou could be just as powerful as she, more so, if you wished it without ever crossing a line she- that you would be ashamed of crossing." He shakes his head slowly. "She would never wish for you to be weak. She wants your happiness, and weakness would not allow that to happen. Clearly."

[Marian Hawke]

"She doesn't," spits Marian. "She wants me to be perfect. To prove that her way really is the best way. That her god's the best god and she's the best at being his paladin and everything's roses all the time. And I'm not that. I can never be that. I can only lead to her dying, or me, or both, and to hell with that."

[Zevran]

Bastion is better than Zanon. Family is worth more than Ambition any day, Hope better than Wrath. Ciren is better of course. "Well, you've certainly broken her of that delusion," he says pointedly. "I doubt she would weep so often over a life of roses."

[Marian Hawke]

"Nobody's crying over me. She just... she just doesn't like me anymore, now that I'm changing."

[Zevran]

Zevran stares at her flatly. "Do you honestly not see her or do you just not wish to?" he finally asks.

[Marian Hawke]

"She's not. I'll even go ask her, if you want. She'll probably tell me off to my face if I bother her."

[Zevran]

Zevran rises smoothly to his feet and gestures at the door. "Might I request you take a moment to dull the edge on your tongue? You are angry with me, not her after all."

[Marian Hawke]

Marian looks up at him, something dark and hurting in her eyes, but a veil slams shut over them and she smiles. "I'm fine. I'm not mad. Just earnest." 

[Zevran]

"It is fine if you are," he says gently. "We are disagreeing over a sensitive topic, that often honest tempers. That does not mean we cannot remain friends." Not close friends, perhaps, but we are friends I think.

[Marian Hawke]

I'm not strong enough to be angry. Not yet. All I'll get is trouble for it.

She takes a deep breath, lets it out, bottles the anger back up in its place. "Sure. But I'm not. Anyway, I'll go ask."

[Zevran]

Zevran studies her for another moment, then simply nods.