The Amell Legacy: Transgressions

[Zevran]

"But with what you know now..." Zevran says softly, glancing at the very pale aasimar with some concern. 

[Marian Hawke]

Marian is silent for a long moment before whispering, "There were those that were in chains. Seemingly protesting. Begging for it to stop. Tanna assured me it was a game, but.. and then there were... there were a few trained beasts. I let one ride me, I-- and there were... children." 

She looks ill, shuddering, wrapping her arms around her torso -- but to her credit, she forces the word out anyway. 

[Haliel Lightsong]

Haliel's breathing hitches, her heart wrenching painfully. Children. Slaves. She- Marian- my- she- 

[Zevran]

Thankfully Zevran had honestly expected as much, had braced himself for it. He leans forward, getting his face inside of Marian's gaze. "You did not know. That does not change the pain they felt, the harm they took. But you did not know. You did not choose your actions on your own, of your own free will entire. So you have a chance." A greater one than they, alas.

[Marian Hawke]

"I didn't want to know," she says bitterly. "That would have ruined the game. I-- that night, when I came home, I sought you out. I couldn't stop thinking about it. But I -- I didn't want-- I didn't want to be right about it. About how real it seemed, about how no actor could do so well. But I went back to Tanna. I'm no better than the rest."

[Zevran]

"Addiction can be a very powerful thing. Not just to whatever drugs she slipped you but to the pleasures of sex, of giving up control," Zevran says gently. "I have seen dozens, scores of slaves, fight to keep their chains."

[Marian Hawke]

Marian finally gets up the courage to glance at Lightsong's face, lifting her gaze slightly from her lap. "There's one more, but-- but-- is this.. are you..?"

[Haliel Lightsong]

"It hurts," Haliel admits, voice pained. "My heart aches and my soul burns with the need to save them- and you. I will never approve of what you did, but there is always mercy, Beloved. Always forgiveness, if you seek it." Of course, Marian would be aware by now that Haliel, like most Ray paladins, is firmly in the 'atonement' camp of forgiveness, those that believe apologetic words are merely a promise to make amends and refrain from reoffending- and promises only have as much value as the amount of effort put into fulfilling them. "Go on."

[Marian Hawke]

Marian drops her gaze to her lap, silent for a time. Finally, when she can force herself to speak, the words come out flat, monotone:

"There's this room there, called the Toybox. Tanna said I could handle it, but she left me there for... I don't know how long. An hour, maybe two. In it, one person... I wore a collar, a magical collar. It made me weak, too weak to sit up -- I could move a little, but only wriggle, get in position. Otherwise I was inanimate, a toy. I thought Tanna would be watching over me but she left. There were dozens of men, and I had no ability to resist, nothing I could do but let them use me."

[Haliel Lightsong]

Haliel makes a pained noise and starts to wrap her arms around Marian but forces herself to stop. "Sorry, I- only if you want, I won't- you've had enough forced on you, I won't-"

[Marian Hawke]

She shakes her head. "Please, don't," she whispers. "I-- I thought I knew what helpless felt like but-- I was--" 

She buries her face into her hands, shuddering. 

[Zevran]

Shifting, Zevran moves over to be on his knees and wraps an arm around Haliel, who eagerly clings to him, crying softly. "I... have not had such an item on me before, but I have been bound too tightly to move or fight back. And I have been placed into magical paralysis, though only for a minute or so. It is... a form of helpless no-one should ever feel."

[Marian Hawke]

"They just kept coming," she whispers. "There were four at once at one point. One of them atop me. I could cry out, but they didn't give me much chance, they'd shove their way inside my mouth, or gag me -- they'd cut me, hit me, thrust their way inside even though I wasn't ready -- I don't remember all the things they did. And I, I always remember, I have a really good memory."

[Haliel Lightsong]

"That- that's a protective- shock. The mind will... blank things out, if it can't... take anymore," Haliel manages to offer. "Is- can I help? Not hugs, just- anything? I can- I can put up my aura, it- people say it feels- feels protective? Or I could... a blanket?"

[Marian Hawke]

Marian looks up, briefly. "You're not-- you're not disgusted? That I let that happen, that I chose to--?"